Friend Zoned || jj.project || DISCONTINUED

Chapter Fourteen: I Don't Know

Jaebum and I went on a lot more dates after that.

The first one, as you know, was at the carnival. The following one was at brunch the next morning, and the one after that was at the movies, and the next one was at a restaurant for dinner. We also went to the mall together, played laser tag, and lots of other things.

The idea of having a boyfriend felt kind of strange and foreign to me at first, but I soon eased into it and I quite enjoy it. In fact, even though Jaebum and I have only been dating a short while, I can't seem to remember what it felt like before we were dating. It feels like routine now, but a really great one.

Today, though, we have no dates planned as school still exists and we are, unfortunately, expected to attend.

So far, Jackson and Bambam are the only people that know we're dating. I'd like to keep it a secret for a little while, but Jaebum would much rather have the entire world know I'm his for reasons unknown to me. But, you know, whatever makes him happy.

Ew, it sounds like we're an old married couple.

"Aren't we?" Jaebum asked me jokingly as we were walking to school together, along with Jackson and Bambam.

"Oh," a flush fell to my cheeks as I continued, "did I just say that aloud?"

"Jinyoung, your gay is showing," Jackson smirked.

"Isn't it always?" Bambam laughed.

"Oh, shut up," I said, squeezing Jaebum's hand as we walked. "As if you two aren't."

And that shut them up.

As we approached school, a few people noticed when Jaebum and I were holding hands, when he kissed my cheek when I went to my class, or when he whispered 'I love you' in my ear. Sure, they didn't say anything, but I could feel their judging stares. Was it just me? Why did I feel so ashamed? There's nothing wrong with two boys dating, so why did I feel like there was?

During lunch, the four of us sat at a small table in the cafeteria. My mind still pondered the looks I was getting as I played with my food, and Jaebum noticed my low expression.

"Hey," he began as he lifted my chin up to face him. "What's the matter?"

I choked a smile and plainly said, "Oh, nothing. Just not hungry."

"The Jinyoung? Not hungry?" Bambam asked in astonishment. "Now I've seen everything."

I shot Bambam a look. He understood and just left the conversation alone.

"No," Jaebum said. "Something is wrong. Tell me."

I gave in, but stood up. "Fine. But can we please do this somewhere else?"

Jaebum stood up and the two of us went to a shady spot under a tree in the school's courtyard.

"So, what's up?" Jaebum asked.

I took a deep breath and then said, "I don't know if this is right."

Jaebum looked confused. "If what is right?"

I swallowed hard before choking out the next word. "Us. I don't know if us is right."

"Oh." Jaebum looked so hurt, as well as confused. I would be too if my boyfriend just told me he wasn't sure about our relationship after so many things had happened.

"Can I ask why?" Jaebum politely asked, disrupting the awkward silence between us.

"I..." I started. "People look at us weird. My mom...she's not a homophobe, but she probably even thinks it's a little weird."

"Do you think it's weird?" Jaebum asked, looking me dead in the eyes. "Does it matter more what society thinks or what you do?"

I gulped. "I...don't...know..."

"I can't believe this," Jaebum muttered under his breath. "After everything? This still feels wrong to you?"

Tears brimmed my eyes. "I don't know, Jaebum. But I do know that even if I have feelings for you, my friends-"

"Your friends," Jaebum cut me off. "Your friends are more important?"

"No one's more important," I said, struggling to hold my tears. "But no one's unimportant. I want my friends, Jaebum. I want my family."

"But you don't want me?" Jaebum asked, more hurt than ever. "I see how it is, then."

"No, Jaebum," I said. "I do want you. But..."

"But what, Jinyoung?! But what?!"

"...Maybe...maybe we were better off being just friends..."

Ugh, you idiot! Why the fuck are you pulling the friendship card?! Again!

"Oh," Jaebum uttered. "Okay."

And with that, Jaebum walked away, nothing I could do to stop him.

〰️〰️〰️

Hi, lovelies!

Guess who's still alive? This bitch, that's who!

Sorry for not updating for forever. I was having huge writer's block and got super busy. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and to make up for my disappearance, I have a double update! Woo-hoo!

Apologies for the angst in the end there, especially right after I've just returned.

Hope y'all enjoyed.

Also, THANK YOU FOR FUCKING 1K READS AND 132 VOTES LIKE I DIDN'T EXPECT THIS TO EXCEED 0 READS!! THANK YOUUUUU 💜💜💜

jj_project_