Heroin {harry styles}

26

"Are you hungry?" Harry asks as we walk in the front door of his house.

I'm not hungry, and I don't feel like putting up with him right now.

I can't put up with him right now.

Ignoring Harry's question, I duck my head down and hurry past him to go upstairs.

At the top of the steps, I pause. Breathing heavily in anticipation, I listen for his yelling or footsteps following me.

After a minute, I realize Harry isn't coming after me and quickly slip into my room.

I lock the door and sit down on my bed, pulling the capped needle out of my bra top. I set it down on the bed and stare at it, unsure of what I'm feeling right now.

It seems so easy to use it right now, to once again get the high I've been dreaming about since the day Harry kidnapped me.

In this moment I want that more than anything.

But something in my brain just won't let me.

With shaky hands, I uncap the needle before quickly setting it back down on the bed.

I stare at it a little longer, my mind flooding with memories of the last time I involuntary used heroin. It felt so good, and that's what I need right now. Just a pick-me up. One time.

I slowly lift the drug-filled needle, this time holding it up against the skin on my inner elbow just like I watched Stella do.

As soon as I rest my finger to the top of the syringe, ready to inject the fluid, I stop. I quickly drop it back down onto the bed, capping it before tossing it away from me to the other side of the bed.

I shake my head at it and stand up to pace around the newly decorated bedroom.

I can't do it.

But I want to so badly.

After nervously walking around the room for a while, trying to clear my head, I carefully sit down on the bed in my previous spot.

Some more time goes by, and I psych myself up as much as I can.

This is what I've been wanting for weeks and I finally have it.

I have to do it.

Reaching across the bed to pick up the syringe once again, I slowly uncap it and set the cap in front of me.

I hold it up to the same spot as before, lining up the needle with my vein. I commit to my decision to use the drug and begin counting down in my head.

3...

2...

1...

As soon as I try to press down the top of the syringe, something in my head stops me and I throw it away from me once again.

I hate this.

Breathing unsteadily, I retrieve the needle and place the cap back on for the second time.

Holding it tightly in my hand, I will myself to get up and leave the bedroom. Maybe a change of scenery will help.

When I open the door, I'm met with darkness, which means Harry must've gone to bed. How long was I in there for?

I switch on the hallway light and venture downstairs to the kitchen. Maybe I should just eat something.

But as soon as I open the refrigerator, the sight of food makes me nauseous and I close it immediately.