Photograph (camren)

Chapter Forty-Three

It's been almost a week since the baby had been born, still stable, and growing healthier with every day in the neonatal unit. Troy drops by twice, if not more, times a day to check in on Ally and their son. While the tiny blonde simply takes the time that she's allowed to get up and walk around, to visit him herself. However, not without the help of a nurse or two on stand by and Troy holding her steady when he can.

Camila's been in a state of going through the motions once again.

With all the commotion surrounding the birth of the baby (whom she has yet to figure out if he's just as much her nephew as Lauren's or what), she hadn't been sure as to what she'd been feeling. This being her thirtieth or so hour without much of a break, unless you count fifteen minutes of her shutting her eyes in the hallway on some empty guest bed; she was exhausted. The small brunette had yet to go home for more than an hour since she'd gotten the news about Lauren. Maybe it was for the best, maybe it wasn't, all she knew is that any minute she found to herself, were minutes she could conjure up the worst possible scenario in which her lieutenant had met an untimely demise.

Of course, she hadn't heard word since that morning, and there was no guarantee that Lauren, had indeed been a causality. But, being as young and in love as she was with the older girl, she couldn't find it in herself to rest without knowing that eventually, Lauren would be home waiting for her. Which resulted in multiple nights spent 'sleeping' in the on-call rooms and others on occupying the usually empty side of Dinah's bed, or when that hadn't been an option, Shawn's couch.

Despite herself, Camila's success rate hadn't faulter in the slightest. Having assisted on saving Ally's child, as well as multiple other pediatric surgeries throughout the week, the small doctor was nothing less than confident in her fast-approaching solo surgery. For a second the small brunette believed she could make it through the day.

But the sight of one of the intern's boyfriends, showing up with coffee from Starbucks and a cookie, using the same exact line Lauren had recited with ease that first afternoon causing her to stop cold in her tracks.

Almost instantly, everything around her is just so god damn- loud. It's loud. The beeping from the monitors, the conversation between the intern and her boyfriend, in which Camila's stomach churns at the memory of her and Lauren being just as carefree not too long ago themselves. Her heartrate spikes, and the familiar thump she felt in her chest is suddenly too much for her, and she feels herself begining to choke on her own anxiety

Without much though, Camila finds herself running to the nearest bathroom locking the door behind her. As she ran her trembling hands through her hair, willing herself to breath, she catches her reflection staring back at her in the mirror. The silent tears staining her cheeks as her hands grips the sink, while she takes this moment to feel everything. Her knuckles turn white as she tightens her grip on the porcelain sink, challenging the girl looking back at her in the mirror to hold in that sob.

That sob she's been doing her best to keep in the back of her throat all week.

But alas, it escaped her lips without warning, as she does her best not to scream in the sheer agony she'd been feeling for hours on end. She'd done all she could to remain strong for everyone else, refusing to break down like she had when Lauren had left the first time. She wouldn't allow herself to succumb to such pitiful habits such as retiring to bed the moment she'd return from work and refusing to get out of it until she was due to return to the hospital. It didn't stop her from sleeping in her lieutenant's clothes, and occasionally shedding a tear when something reminded her of simpler times.

However, never had it shook Camila to her core like so. Of course, she'd had the thoughts of Lauren not returning for months now, but never had she imagined she'd actually be faced with the reality of it all. Not once, had she thought that maybe, just maybe she hadn't been overreacting. Because Lauren, as well as everyone else, insured that the older girl would indeed be okay. But this wasn't okay. None of it.