the process of a heartbreak

week one

i cut you off about a week ago .
and i know it's too soon, but i miss you .
i miss you and i feel like there's a part of me missing because i don't have you .
i wasn't even yours .. but you were damn well mine and you were fine with it .
i wasn't fine with you and your actions,
the talking to other girls and closing yourself off ..
the lying and fucking me over .
i never deserved that but you don't understand .
you don't think that i love you, you think that i moved on just cause you did the same .
you moved on within a week and were already talking to another girl,
you told me you weren't ready for a relationship and that you needed time ...
boy was that a lie
you swear you aren't a player but the eight girls in three months says otherwise .
i hate that you have this much control over me,
i hate that i'm still in love with you by the end of the day and that you continue to hurt me .
leading me on, acting like i was yours,
helping you with your issues and arguing with me when i didn't even do anything wrong,
helping with your sobriety because you couldn't screw me over, and breaking that sobriety because i left you ....
i left you and i feel bad but it's not my problem anymore, it's your new girls deal now ...
or my replacements that you swear are your best friends .
i hope that one day you learn and realize that i was doing nothing but loving you unconditionally and helping you love yourself .
i hope that i can screw you over the way you did me,
i hope that you're hurt from me leaving .
the texts, the deep and personal talks, the continuous laughs and inside jokes, the advice and assertiveness that i used to steer you in the right direction, the hugs, the compliments that made you more confident and lead you to loving yourself more ...
it's all gone now .
and your replacements make me laugh, cause i know for certain that they'll never live up to my expectations .
maybe i can forgive you when you're ready and maybe something with finally happen .
maybe i'll be in a loving long term relationship that i'll put all my heart into ..
a man that will treat me the way i treated you .
it's a week in and that's why it hurts, but this pain is only temporary,
and right now it's only hurting me..
pretty soon you'll be the one crying cause you lost one of the best things you've ever had..
and now it's gone .

cocaine - pink sweat$