Building Trust (Night Shift)

You Are Not My Dad

I slowly sit up, its been almost two weeks since surgery and I'm slowly making progress. It still hurts and my stitches are healing but I don't think it would ever be fast enough for me. I want to go home and be part of a family again. I want to be able to start a new chapter of my life, away from the hospital and treatments. I actually want to go to school and have friends. 

"That was good." The nurse says which makes me jump and a twinge of pain hits me. I forgot she was here. "Now let's stand."

I roll my eyes, I know we have to do this but it's really not enjoyable and I'd rather just lay flat all day. Luckily my nurse isn't bothered by me rolling my eyes, she said she's had people react in worse ways before. I slowly lift one leg and let it bend over the side of the bed and then I do the other one, relatively painless. I starts to scoot forwards and the pain returns. When both of my feet are touching the ground and it's time to stand I know it's going to be excruciating. Using the nurse as support I work up the courage and stand. Pain erupts everywhere and I immediately crumble back down on the bed, tears gather in my eyes and then fall down my cheeks. 

"That was so good! One more time and then we'll be done for the day."

"Can't." I say the pain too high to move. I want to curl up in a ball with my knees up to my chest like I did when I was younger but, now I can't even move. I hopelessly wish the pain to subside. 

"Just once more, that was so good." She says encouragingly. "Come on Honey, just once more and then we'll be done." She says laying a hand on my shoulder.

I flinch even though the gesture shouldn't be painful. "Get Drew." I cry, through the tears. 

"Ok, ok." She says, walking towards the door. I can't see her, laying on my back sideways in the bed with my legs still hanging over the side. 

In the ten minutes it takes Drew to come up from the emergency department, the nurse tries to get me to at least sit up. I'm not having any of it and refuse to move at all in fear of the pain. I hear the door open and then hear Drew, "What's going on?"

"We were doing exercises, she stood up great and then just collapsed back down." The nurse says. "And refused to move after that. She just said she wants you."

"Ok, thank you. I'll catch up with." Drew says, prompting the nurse to leave. Drew comes around so I can see him and kneels down next to me, the tears still rolling down my cheeks. The pain only getting a little better since laying here. "What's up Babygirl?" He asks gently.

"I can't- it- I." I stumble, even though the pain is high, having him here makes me feel better. 

"Standing right?" He asks wiping the line of tears off the sides of my face.

"Yeah. I made it up." I manage to get out.

"That's good. Ok, so can I help you get back oriented in bed and then go get some more pain meds?" I give him a nod, silently bracing myself for the pain to return. "Ok, I'm going to lift your left leg first and lay it on the bed and the the right and then we can get back up to the pillow, sound good?"

"Yeah." I say through clenched teeth, still bracing myself. 

As soon as I feel him start to lift my leg, I tense up. "Relax." He says, sounding like a warning. I try my best but the fear spike with every movement. But eventually I make my way back tucked into bed with some pain medicines to take the edge off. I manage to get a little sleep but keep getting interrupted by pain and nurses.