Remedy;;

𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚝𝚎𝚛

Dear father.

I'm writing this letter as a farewell. If you might or might not noticed, all my stuff is gone. So am I. I won't come back. There are some things i left unsaid over the past years that I'm eager to tell you now. I'm being honest with everything I'm writing and I expect you to read it thoroughly and cautiously. I don't want to upset you, i just want to write down my sincere feelings, that's all.

I felt horrible over the past years. No not horrible, I felt dead.
You didn't treat me like a person or a daughter. I felt like an object. An object for you to abuse and ruin. I lost every sense of pride or love I once felt. I lost myself.
And you know what?
I hate that I'm such a failure to you.
I hate that I never spoke up and endured everything.
I hate that you made me weak.
I hate that I'm constantly doubting myself. I hate that I'm hating myself.
I hate that you hate me.
You broke me. And the only way i think I'm able to live a decent and content life is to stay away from you.

I know that it hurts that mom ran away. I know that for sure. But I'm not her. I'm not the reason she left. She left because she couldn't stand this shit anymore. The violence and the abuse, physically and mentally.

I'm so sick of you treating me like the unworthiest piece of trash. I'm sick of you drinking all day, I'm sick of you beating me up whenever you feel like it. Im sick of living in this house where I feel nothing but fear and nausea. I'm sick of it.
I am a human being. I have feelings. I'm not responsible for mom leaving this hellhole of a house.
You are.
And you need to see that neither I am at fault nor mom is. It's you. Because you think you can do whatever the fuck You want to get what you want, not afraid to harm anyone. To fucking abuse anyone.

I always did everything I could to bear your moods. I cleaned the house, took care of you when you passed out again, I never invited friends, i always tried to get good grades and earned my own money.
But it never was enough.
I was awake every night in this hell of a home. Crying. I couldn't sleep or eat or think properly because everything hurt. My body and my soul. I didn't felt safe in this house nor did I feel happy. I never wanted to hurt you or leave you because you are still my father. I wanted to be strong and do what mom couldn't. But I would have scattered into pieces with you still around. So I decided to go. I won't tell you where I am or what I am doing. All I'm telling you is that I'm happy here. I feel content and safe. And I don't want to see you again. I want you to seek help because you need help dad. You have a problem. A problem with alcohol and aggression and you know that, you aren't stupid.
I wish for you that you can finally realize that it isn't violence that helps to feel better, nor it's alcohol. I hope that you can learn that and finally get your own life together.

Minnie.