Do you still love me?

Heartbreaking

I felt that there was something wrong with Tetsurou. Of course, my stubborn mentality refused to acknowledge it even though he was my lover. I've always thought that unless anyone talked to me first about what's on their mind, I am not allowed to speak about the matter. And so, I ignored my gut feeling until today.

Being an adult is difficult. We have to pay taxes, bills, etc. so our days are usually packed with errands and work. I've was doing my usual run for groceries and was walking home, carrying the heavy bags with my frail arms but it didn't bother me as much as the thought that's been weighing on my mind for quite a while now.

I felt it but I ignored it. Big mistake.

As I walked up the stairs to Tetsurou and I's apartment, an unsightly scene occurred right before my eyes. My eyes widened and my mouth shut close. If I hadn't kept quiet that day, I might've screamed my lungs out.

I watched Tetsurou, my lover of 4 years, kiss a woman I couldn't recognize. It felt as if someone grabbed a sharp knife and stabbed me through my chest, right where my heart was beating. My brain couldn't process what just happened and I started hyperventilating. My arm reached out for the railing as my eyesight started to blur.

In and out, inhale, exhale. 

The girl said, "See you later" and I moved over to the side. She walked pass me not seeming to be interested in a man crying on the steps. She was short and cute, perfect for Tetsurou unlike myself. I have never told anyone this but it wasn't my first time going through a similar situation, My hatred towards cheaters is undeniable.

~2 days later~

I know my face showed it, even Tetsurou noticed. Am I easy to read? Even trying my hardest to keep my emotions in control wasn't enough. It hurt like hell. I was always straightforward with my feelings growing up, but this was a different story. This was my lover. The guy I thought I would be together with for the rest of my life. My eyes said it themselves. I let out what has been bothering me when Tetsurou finally asked the question.

"Hey Tsukki, are you okay? You've been looking really tired lately and I wanted to make sure nothing's wrong. It seems like a lot is on your mind. You know you can talk to me right?"

Yes there is something wrong. You. You are the cause of this pain and anger. Right now it feels as if I was just forced to carry 10 tons on unwanted emotions. And even if I did talk to you, you wouldn't be able to help me because you are the problem. Knowing that I can't even fix this hurts. 

But I couldn't say that out loud, it would cause misunderstandings between the two of us and I didn't wanna make it worse. If only that's how it ended.

"Yes, I'm fine." I answered. "I don't feel talking right now okay? I'm just tired, I'm gonna sleep early tonight Tetsurou-san. Goodnight."

My hands were shakung but I calmly and quietly stood up to place my dishes in the sink. My heart was screamed, "TELL HIM THE TRUTH, YOU KNOW THAT BOTTLING UP EMOTIONS IS ONLY SUPPRESSING YOUR FEELINGS! LOOK AT YOUR PARENTS! THEY ARE EVIDENCE OF THAT!" Even though it was my own brain saying it, it still hurt.

I walked into our bedroom and fell face first into our pillows. I took a breath in and smelt his scent. For the first time in 5 years, I cried my heart out. I knew he could hear me through the thin walls but I couldn't care less when my mind was filled with so many other problems. My brain hurt too much to think. My eyelids were falling and soon I was in deep slumber.

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Sorry for an angst beginning •~• But don't get your hopes up yet, this story will bring many surprises and in the end, we'll all be happy :) See you next chapter! -Kei