Tequilawine | ✓

1

Pour tequila in my wine
Now I'm feeling fine
●●●

I just sat there for hours and hours, trying to understand it's never gonna be like it was before. How it all just changed between him and me. One and a half year is a long time. Longer then you think but goes faster then you can imagine. It was like my life felt from each other, and it never was gonna be put together again. 

I was right. Now I'm sitting here again. The cold floor hasn't got any warmer since a week ago. What had I even expected? The only change is now I have a glass of wine with some tequila in it. 'What is my life changed too' I have asked myself a couple of times here recently. I mean, look at me. I sit on my cold dirty floor and trying to solve all my problems with alcohol. 

I haven't been to my classes in a week now, but I don't think anyone has noticed. I don't think anyone really cares about me. They are all fake. If they were real, they would care. Care so much they actually would have called me and checked up about anything was alright. On the other side, all my 'friends' are his friends. I only know them because of him. The moment I lost him, I lost anyone I cared about. 

I use alcohol to forget. Forget how my life felt together. Forget how I lost the person I loved. 'How did it end like this?' I asked myself again. How did it end up like this? This is a mess. A mess in my life.

 A mess in my life, my brain, and my body.

If my mom knew I sat on my cold dirty floor in my apartment, and drank my problems away in a mix of tequila and wine, she would be so disappointed. It's why I don't tell her. Don't tell her that I have problems. She knows I have a problem with trying to forget things I don't wanna accept or remember. It has always been that way. She started to notice it when I was 10 and lost my best friend. How I slept all day and isolated myself from anyone there cared about me. Anyone there wanted the help me and try to make me feel better. Make me alright.