60 seconds

14). I Didn't Choose Candor

Ro's POV -

I exit the infirmary and try to make my way to the mess hall when I realize I have no idea where I'm going. I debate on turning back and asking the Doc but I decide against it. How hard can it be?

Turns out it's very hard. I headed the way I thought was the cafeteria and ended up in some dark hallway. I look around and all I can see are needles on the floor and I want to scream. I don't like needles and I don't want to touch or be near those ones. I turn around and try to trace my steps back when something blocks my path. I don't see what it is due to the fact my eyes are glued to the floor trying not to step on any dirty needles.

I ask the thing to move over nicely and I hear a deep, dark, belly laugh. My eyes snap up and all I can see is the outline of a potbelly man with blonde short hair and a rough blonde beard. The smell of alcohol fills my nose and I'm reminded again of why I will never touch a bottle of that poison. "Well look who I have here. Some sweet young thang, what are you doing in needle alley?" He leans down and gets close to my face. Too close. Before I can process what's going on my fist is flying towards this scrubs face and his head goes flying back. He's three times the size of me and after Eric knocking me out I'm not ready for another big fight.

He's shocked that I hit him and I take this time to run. Once I'm close to being completely past him I feel him tug my arm back. I stumble backwards but he's too intoxicated to make me fall. I let him pull me closer and I shoot my knee up His crotch and he lets go, I throw one more bone cracking punch and I bolt. I run as fast as I can down the hall and turn the first chance I get. I keep running and running and running and now I'm lost. More than lost. I can't retrace my steps I don't have a single clue as to where I am, I've never been here before I don't know what to do.

I start to shake and I can feel the panic seeping in. My breathing is becoming harder and my lungs feel like their going to stop working. I hear laughter coming towards me and I instantly get into a defensive position and hide behind the end wall to the hall. I peak my head around with my heart beating out of my chest and I see Uriah and Lynn. I let out the biggest sigh of relief and fall to the ground. They seem to hear that and come running over.

"Oh my god! Ro!" Lynn says and drops down next to me. She grabs hold of my hand and Uriah asks what wrongs. I explain everything that happened and they just look at me with pity. I shouldn't have said anything. They aren't really my friends I guess, all they keep doing is looking at me with pity.

I sigh and shake my head. "Can you just tell me how to get to the mess hall." It's a harder question than I realized. I can feel tears start to form and I can't shake this feeling of being lost or having a repeat of earlier. They just point me down a few halls and wish me luck.

Well that's great. I went through all of that and they don't even want to walk with me. Whatever. I didn't come here for friends. I still can't believe no one came to see me. Even Elena. I saved her and she didn't come.

I try to push all the feelings down and just walk to the caf. I only need food, to rank 1st, and sleep. I push my feet to keep walking and I end up being the last person in the mess hall. I walk up to the line and grab the cold pasta and sauce with a cold piece of garlic bread. I ask the lunch lady if there's a microwave I could use and she just told me to "use my own"

I sat down on the bench and ate. I didn't think about anything expect the feeling of being lost and never finding the way. Of being found by him not that fat coward. I try to push it down to keep it out but I couldn't. You get 60 seconds. My mind rings. 60 seconds. It's what I used to do back at Amity. I'd allow myself 60 seconds to feel whatever I needed to feel and then I'd push it away.

I dump the rest of my tray and walk to the chasm. I sit on the ledge and just look at the water. I miss my pond. I'm a little surprised I do but I miss the little sanctuary I had. It was a place to be alone. To be myself.

I lean my head against the rail and a single tear slips through. Pretty soon more then one tear comes out. I cry and I cry and I cry. I cry about being scared earlier of getting lost. I cry about losing to Eric. Eric. I cry because I can't stop thinking about a stupid leader who wants nothing to do with me. I cry because I realize I will never be able to trust a man. I cry because I don't feel safe. I cry because I feel like I will let myself down, that I won't place first, and I won't be able to protect myself.

I decide it's been 60 seconds and that I've cried enough. I wipe my face and I stand up. I don't need friends, I don't need other people. I need myself. I'll play the part of friend and won't get attached. I refuse to get attached to anyone. I will act and pretend that everything is okay even when it isn't. I won't be weak. I didn't choose candor.