60 seconds

8). The Tattoo

Ro's pov -

The four of us walk down and surprisingly I remembered most of the way. I knew how to get to the training room, that was my favorite place so far, and could back track enough to the hall with the help of Sam. He might not have been the smartest for Erudite but he had a good memory.

We make our way past the tables and towards the food line. I grab a cheeseburger and a slice of pizza. I haven't eaten all day either and I can't wait to eat some of this. I also grab an apple to keep it a balanced meal. Ha! I do like apples a lot though. They're almost like a comfort food. I could always get them at Amity and I found myself eating Apples a lot.

We all have our food which is mostly the same expect for Terrence. He got pasta and sauce while everyone else got a burger or pizza. We head back to tables and try to find a seat when I spot Uriah. He waves us over and we start walking.

We make it to the table with little to no slip ups. Sam almost tripped over his own feet but he got his balance back just when we make it to the table.

I take the empty seat next to Uriah with Lynn across from me and Terrence almost rushes to sit next Elena. I had to hold back a laugh at how obvious his crus is. Sam set up next to Marlene and they instantly start some sort of secret whispered conversation. That's interesting.

I was about to ask Uriah what tattoo he was thinking about getting when all I could see was him staring at my chest. I almost slapped him but remembered the bruises that are still there. It seems like Elena caught on to what he was looking at before I could explain. "She fell when running here. What a little clutz" she chuckles that last part and it seems like the whole table relaxed. Did everyone notice? How obvious are they? Slight panic sinks in as I hope no one else notices. I basically have them on display but I didn't have any other clothes.

"I didn't want to wear a shirt like this because of the fall but these are the only clothes I've got" I sigh and notice Uriah fidgeting. I look over and he pulls off the hoodie he was wearing and offers it over to me. "It's not like I'm cold. I can tell you're a little uncomfortable with that going on." I grabbed the hoodie and couldn't thank him fast enough. I pull it over my head and make eye contact with one pissed off looking leader. The hoodie fully covers my upper body and by the time I get it past my head Eric is fuming. Who peed in his Cheerios? He just stomps off from where his table was in the hall and I'd be afraid for anyone who crosses paths with him.

I pull myself back to the table and see that everyone is digging in. I'm so excited to eat it's like I've been deprived of food for too long and now I can eat whatever I want. I pile the pizza into my mouth and when I bite down it's bliss. Pizza will always be my go to. I almost finish my pizza when Marlene starts asking all of us what tattoo we want. I pipe up immediately, I've known what I want for so long it's not even funny. "I want to get a sword Lilly flower tattooed on the inside of my hand" they all look over me a little confused. "Why your palm?" Sam immediately asks. I feel my cheeks start to rise up in heat. I really don't want people to know here. That day was the worst day of my life and that kettle still scares me. I feel at a los for words when I just blurt out, "I have burn scars on my hand and I want to show that it makes me stronger" they still look a little confused and Elena asks the next hard question, "what do you mean stronger? How'd you get those burns?" I feel all of them stare at my hand and I inwardly cringe at opening my mouth in the first place. What do I even say to that? The person who is supposed to be my father just held it to a tea kettle while it was going off? I felt frozen in place but I force a smile on my face and wink over at her, "A little clutz is something I've always been" they all look a little skeptical but sam saves me by talking about the tattoo he wants.

I zone out and find myself glancing back to where Eric was glaring. Did he notice my bruises and that's why he was pissed? He thinks I'm just some coward who lets herself get beat up? I start to feel my cheeks heat up again but this time in anger. If he thinks I'm some weak little Amity he's so far from the truth. I'm gonna kick his ass in training and he's never gonna see it coming. I can't wait to see his face when we start tomorrow he's gonna he wrong about me and I can't wait to prove him wrong. I can't wait to make it here in Dauntless. This place is hopefully going to be my home and for once I feel joy. I'm free from Jonah, I'm free from Amity, I'm free from being an awful person back there and I can finally be myself. I can feel myself getting happy again and I cut everyone talking off at the table. "It's time for tattoos"

Everyone looks back at me grins. We get up and walk out as a group and I can't help but notice a few stares. I guess it's a little uncommon for transfers and Dauntless borns to be friends so fast. Terrence puts his arm around Elena and she jumps right into it, her face turning a shade of tomato. Sam has Marlene jump on his back while Lynn goes straight for Uriah. They start racing towards the tattoo shop I'm assuming and it's just the three of us left.

"Well crap, I have no idea where we're going." Sam scraps out and Elena and I start laughing. "Well we better catch up" I start to run after the others and I can't help but feel relieved.

I really don't like seeing other couples do couple things. It makes me think back on something I never really had. It was all fake and I hate the feeling I get when others get something real. They're not a couple but I can tell pretty soon they will be. I want to be happy for them and I will be but it'll always back track me and I hate myself for it.

It's been a year since he's left and I'm still broken from it. It's not him I miss and it's not our relationship I miss. It was unhealthy and crappy and he just used me for sex. Bad sex might I add.

It's the after effects that are still hitting me. I wasn't enough for something real. He's Erudite, he's smart. He saw me and new I would be easy to use. At first it might have been real but after maybe a month it was gone. We had sex and it killed it. My first time didn't mean a thing and the times I thought it did was a lie. How can I just move past that? Jonah was right. I wasn't good enough for love and I probably never will be. All I know is that I'm worth living and I'm worth loving myself.

It's hard to do but I'll get the hang of it. I'm much better now then I was before. He promised he wouldn't leave me and I promised I wouldn't leave him. He looked me in the eyes, told me he loved me, had sex with me and then left me for Erudite. That mixed with my "father"...

I thought I was broken before but that brought me to a whole new level. I never want to think about what I tried to do to myself that day. It pushed me to start thinking better about myself but I still don't want to think of how low I was. How weak I was. That's why I want this tattoo.

The sword Lilly is a flower that represents strength of character and honor. Something I didn't have when Jonah forced me to hold my hand on that kettle. Something I didn't have when Byron used me and threw me out. I almost lost my life because of them and my own stupidity. I will never let a single person take advantage of me or my life again.

I felt so gross and disgusted after I fought almost anyone who opened their mouths to me. I finally took everything I went through and decided it was going to be my armor.

I went through horrible things no one should have to go through and that made me stronger. It made me realize that I had all I needed, and that is myself. I would restore honor to my name and I would become the strong independent woman I know I am here in Dauntless. That's what this tattoo is.

It's not going to cover my burns but it's going to let them shine. It's going to prove I hit rock bottom and all it did was make me my best self. A self that believes in mental health and putting myself first. A self that is strong. A self that is dignified. A self that can withstand any odd. That is why I'm getting the sword Lilly tattoo. I am strong.