Owens' Anxiety Handbook

How to Handle a Private Attack

How It Starts

Sometimes I will overthink something and I'll work myself into a panic attack. It will start off very slow: maybe I'll be quiet for a while. That means I'll thinking, which is not necessarily a bad thing, no reason to be worried.

Then, maybe you'll notice that I'll start trying to distract myself, which sometimes means waking you up in the middle of the night for seemingly no reason. I apologize in advance for this. I know it's annoying and I guarantee I've already been stressing about it way before I ever woke you up. If I'm at the point of waking you up in the middle of the night it means I have been overthinking for hours and slowly making it worse and I just can't handle being alone inside my head anymore. I need you, please try not to get frustrated with me.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't know... I just missed you, I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?"

"I don't know... anything?"

Calm Me Down Before It Starts

Distraction is usually the best method for calming me down before I fall fully into a panic. You can distract me by talking to me about a different subject or pulling me into an activity like cooking, face masks, going to the store. You have to catch an attack really early to be able to use this method, otherwise, the distraction will just stress me out more.

Anxiety is not exact, so if it seems like I'm giving advice and then telling you it only works fifty percent of the time... that's because that's the best I can give you. Anxiety is unpredictable. I'm trying to cover all my bases and give you a lot of different methods to help but it won't always work.

If you can get me outside it might help me calm down, especially if it's cold outside or night time or raining. On that note, check the temperature of the house or wherever I am. When I panic, I have hot flashes, so try to keep me cool. Maybe try a cool washcloth.

Phase 1: What to Expect

Phase 1 is me attempting to shut down all emotions so that I won't go into Phase 2.

Breathing will start to get hard but don't give me an inhaler or offer to call 911 because the thought of not being able to breathe/going to a hospital will stress me out more.

I'm almost definitely going to be in a sitting position. If I'm standing, my legs will get very tired all of a sudden and I will just sit on the floor whenever I am. Let me stay there, don't try to move me. If I'm laying down I will sit up because I can't breathe while laying down during an attack. Don't try to force me to lay down.

I tend to hold myself by clutching my hands together in front of my chest.

I may be quiet but my mind is racing and I can't keep up. Don't pepper me with questions, I'm not in the right mind to answer them anyway.

"Are you having a panic attack?"

"No."

*is very much so having a panic attack*

Phase 1: What to Do

Do not touch me unless I specifically ask you to hold me. If you do end up holding me, keep your arms very loose around me so I don't feel restricted. Don't press my face into your chest or shoulder, I need to be able to breathe.

Don't make me look you in the eye - that is a distraction and it's too late for that, I need to calm myself down inside my head and that requires complete focus.

If I do not ask you to hold me, just sit next to me. Do not touch me.

You can attempt to ask me what's wrong. It's possible we can talk it through and I can calm down. If I don't wanna talk about it, don't push me, just sit silently next to me and be there for me so that I don't feel so alone.

I may cry silently. Do not ask me not to cry or attempt to get me to stop, just let me cry it out because it helps to get that energy out of my body. An anxiety attack is just too much of everything in my body and I'm trying to get it out in any way possible.

Phase 2: What to Expect

Phase 2 is even more of everything in my body. I tend to make very random jerky motions to attempt to get the Everything out. I flap my hands around very frantically, sometimes I kick my legs out, too.

There's probably going to be a lot more crying, and I might cry so much that I start to scream. I might cry so much that I throw up. Don't try to get me to stop, just let me get it out.

Phase 2: What to Do

I want you near enough to me that I can feel your presence and know you're there, but not close enough to make me feel crowded. Touching rules from Phase 1 apply similarly to Phase 2.

It's hard for me to write this part because I can't really think about how I need to be handled in Phase 2. My brain is just so messy at this point in the attack that even thinking back and trying to put myself back in that space to try to figure out what would help isn't working.

Basically, continue what you did during Phase 1.

Be patient and stay calm, especially when I can't.