my drinking got really bad. i left ian's house a day or two after the breakup. my hands twitch as i bring the cold glass up to my lips and down the bitter tasting alcohol.
i look around the bar and it's not entirely packed. theres this lady beside me who looks down at the counter. her hair messily in a bun and she's wearing joggers and an oversized hoodie.
"you alright?" her eyes move from the counter and up at me.
"yeah, rough day," she answers.
"tell me about it," i groan,
"it seems like everyday is a rough day."
"tell me about yours."
tell me about yours. well, my rough days have been happening for months now. basically, made this guy fall in love with me, and i ended up falling in love with him. broke his heart over a damn phone call and stayed at my friends house for two days. now i have no where to stay and i'm still in love with this guy!
"heartbreak," i respond after a few moments of trying to find a word to describe how i felt.
"that sucks. who was she?"
"uh, he was this guy i met and i-we fell real hard for each other," i jitter with my fingers and look down, avoiding her eyes.
"i broke up with him at like two in the morning because i done something unloyal, guess you can say."
"that sucks man," she starts off.
"you should go talk to him, ya know? see how he is and talk stuff out. it ain't too late." i smile and think about it.
i get up and show her my gratitude before leaving the bar and taking a bus to joba's place.
once i arrive, nervousness strikes me and makes me hesitant to keep moving up the stairs. i reach his door and knock two times. i await for an answer. i knock a third time and after a few moments the door opens. it reveals joba. his eyes have bags underneath them, his hair is messy, tear streaks are visible on his pale face.
"j-joba," i choke out. he stands there in what most people would think astonishment, if they saw us out of context.
"i'm sorry." he looks at me and it seems as if he's trying to say something, but he's afraid.
"i'm really sorry. i-i'm not asking you to forgive me, but to just let me talk."
"why? so you can just manipulate me again? so you can hurt me again like the past months we've been together?"
"i know, i know, baby. i hurt you bad. that hurt me twice as much. i'm so miserable without you. i've been so afraid of not being loved that i hurt you." his eyes softened. maybe by being with him for a month i know all the tactics that get him soft.
we stand there for a few moments before he starts breaking down in from of me. tears spill and rush down his face. i rush up to him and comfort him with a tight hug. he grabs onto me tightly.
"it's ok." i repeatedly whisper. my eyes shut as i rock us back and forth, side to side.
"i-i missed y-you-you so much," he cries.
"i missed you, too, joba. i missed you and felt so bad after that phone call," i say, "i was so miserable. i'm so sorry i did that to you."
"s'ok, just glad you here." he says quietly as his sobs quiet down.
"here, lemme take you inside. go rest on the couch and i'll attempt to make you food," i smile, "just know, i ain't no cook, so if it comes out bad, just know it was made with love." he let's out a soft laugh and enters through the door and curls up on the couch.
i go into the kitchen and i make him some pancakes and peel an orange. i take apart the small orange slices and decorate the small plate that has two pancakes in the middle with a drizzle of maple syrup.
"here you go," i bring the plate to him and his face lights up and turns toward me away from the t.v.
"thank you," he says and gently takes the plate from me and lets me sit next to him with my arms around his torso.
"love you." i say.
"love you, too,"
