i feel it now. everything hurts. my heart aches, my eyes twitch due to the watery sensation. this relationship hasn't last nearly enough for me to enjoy because now all of the harm done on him in the last couple months are now reflecting on me.
my nose tingles as i try to hold in tears, my hands shake as i hold the phone up to my face. breaths become uneven.
"what for?" he asks. i can vividly picture his face as he asks that. he's too vulnerable to this situation. eyes glaring off somewhere to distract the hurt growing inside of them once it comes to realization that this is the end.
"for being such a fuck up," i reply after a moment.
"i-i can't keep doing this."
"d-doing what?" he questions. i can tell that he can picture out what i'm going to say, but wants to put it on me.
"us. i can't keep hurting you. you deserve someone else, hell, you deserve better." i wince at my words once they finally spill out.
the line is silent. tears fall down my face as my lips roll under one another to keep the sobs in.
"no, please. matt, i-i love you. just tell me what i'm doing wrong and this can work! you weren't mean to me at all." he begs.
"no, god, i love you too, and this is the problem. none of this is your fault, it's all mine." i quickly exclaim.
"just don't leave me." he sobs.
"i'm sorry."
i hang up. i stare dead at the empty pavement in front of me. it takes a few moments for this to finally hit me.
i cry. sobs echo down the empty street full of dark houses. i kick at the air. my fingers pull at the tips of my hair.
after a while of letting all the anger and sadness out i call ian.
"c-come pick me u-up, please." i beg and without hesitation he demands me to text him where i'm at.
after approximately twenty minutes, a veichle comes into view. the drivers seat door opens and ian comes running towards me. he wraps his arms around me, but i push and hit as streams of on going tears rush down my face.
"shhh, it's gonna be ok." i hear him whisper into my ear. his hand gently rubs my back in order to calm me down.
"i fell for him too hard." i choke out through sobs.
"i know, i know." he says to play along even though i practically kept me and joba a secret from him.
"come on, let me take you by mines and we go from there, ok?" he tells me as he assist me on getting up off the curb that i've been sitting on for a while.
he takes me and helps me into the passenger seat. he gets in the car after helping me and starts to drive out of the unoccupied street and back to his home.
"thank you." i mumble as my eyes get droopy from the amount of sleep lost.
"no problem, i love you man." he replies back softly.
"love you t-" the rest of the sentence becomes faint as i fall asleep. my arms slightly cross and my head up and tilted upward.
