it's midnight. my eyes wander the ceiling. the cracks covered with a delicate white paint. my eyes dart towards you. your soft breaths against my covered torso and your grip on the bottom of my shirt.
i slowly get up and notice your fingers curl in longing for a touch. your eyes twitch in discomfort.
i get my shoes and a hoodie on before leaving. i quickly run down the flight of stairs and out the apartment. i sigh and start making my way toward a corner store.
i walk for quite a bit before arriving. my legs ache due to the amount of walking because of my stubbornness of getting a ride.
the bell chimes above and my figure shows on the circular mirror that is angled upward toward the entrance.
i stuff my hands in my pockets of my hoodie and walk toward the freezers in the back with a variety of beverages. i grab a six pack of redd's and proceed to check out.
"that'll be 6.25 and your number." the female behind the counter says which causes me to physically cringe.
"not a chance."
"how come?" she whines.
"you're not my type." i respond.
"what is?"
"men, now fuck off." i say before storming out of the store.
i walk a little bit down toward the end of the sidewalk and sit down on the curb. my breath gets heavier and tears threaten to fall.
i pull out my phone and my shaky fingers dial a person who i haven't communicated with in a while and this brings back memories.
"yo-woah, hold down," i say in response to the angry yelling.
"you're the stupid bitch for never blocking me. just listen to me, i need you right now."
"just-just come by that corner store you used to come by."
i end the call once theres an agreement. i wait, my hands occasionally pull at the ends of my hair.
after a bit of waiting foot steps are heard on the right of me. i lift my beard and turn that direction and is met with the same pale boy with damaged bleached hair that i made fall in love with me.
"can't believe i even agreed to this, matthew." he hisses sternly.
"you're the stupid bitch for not blocking me."
"shut up." he says.
it's silent between us. the only noise is from the main streets occupied with tired people eager to get home.
my breaths grow heavier and my eyes get glossy. i look at the ground and then drink a bottle of redds.
"you alright?" he asks.
"no, why else would i have called you." i choke out.
he comes and sits beside me on the curb.
"what's wrong?" he asks as his arms warps around his knees.
"i-i am such a fucked up person," i say as tears start to race down my cheeks.
"and i'm so sorry for hurting you."
nick hugs me and taps my shoulder before saying,
"there's something going on because you wouldn't just apologize like that. talk to me."
"i met this boy named joba and i-i love him, but i keep treating him how i treated you. i keep on letting my past trauma take over me and that's why i'm such a sucky person."
we sit there in silence. i notice his eyes occasionally looking over at me. i catch him at the right time and look at him when his eyes wander onto me.
he leans a bit toward me and i shift myself to move toward him. he grabs my head and gives me a gentle kiss. once he breaks it, i lean in again and kiss him, but more aggressively. he kisses me back with no hesitation.
our fingers intertwine at the sides of us before it hits me. i keep on complaining that i'm hurting joba, but still continue to make the same harmful acts that even got me into this situation.
my eyes twitch before i push the taller one off me.
"fuck, stop!" i yell and wipe my mouth in comfort.
"you kissed me!" nick yells back.
"just go away! i don't even know why i called your dumbass!" i respond in irritation.
he angrily gets up from the curb and storms away with his hands balled up to his side. he doesn't look back at me. my heart aches.
i quickly get my phone out. my shaky fingers dial joba's number. my eyes dart at the time and it reads three a.m and my hope of him answering goes down as i press call.
after a couple rings his voice groggily answers, "yeah?"
i take multiple deep breaths and choke out, "i-i'm sorry."
