The Girl Who Cried

CHAPTER 6

I feel cold and weak. Terrified as i tremble and am unable to speak. I can't breathe. Darkness consumes my vision. Pain and distress clinging onto my body trying to rip me apart.

I feel myself descending deeper and deeper into madness...insanity. My hands trying desperately to end it all...Free me.

All the pieces of my heart shattering around me. Sharp shards of naive and pointless hopes and dreams surrounding me, cutting deep into my flesh, stabbing me, penetrating my body harshly and painting the floors with my blood.

I-...I like it this way. I'm dying. The pain is unbearable, but it's what i deserve. The pain is pleasing. The taste and smell of iron around me and in my mouth are pleasing and the wounds decorating my body are comforting.

I like it this way, because i don't know anything else. My cries silenced as i slowly drown in my tears and blood. The fire that once burned in my heard incinerates everything i once knew. Familiar faces burning away.

I like it this way. I am far beyond saving. Nobody can help me now. I like the pain now, it's my friend. Darkness, anxiety, depression, heartbreak, self-hate. They've become my friends. They're mine.

What the fuck made me this way? I don't understand why i am the only one who must feel all this shit! I try-...i try to be perfect. I try to make people like me...i try to make them happy...i try to be normal...

I feel the ropes slowly slithering around my neck, the blades caressing my wrists, the pills inside me, the cold barrel to my head, the wind in my hair, metal to my stomach, my breath being taken away, cold water flushing down my lungs, strong spasms in my muscles, fire on my skin...sudden darkness...nothing

I'm free. Free from the pain, free from the torture, the stress, judgement, ridicule, insults, labels, assumptions, exhaustion, emotions, heartbreak, lies, false promises, regrets...I'm free from the constant fear and fucking stress of concealing myself and pretending to be someone i'm not just for them...

I'M FUCKING SICK OF LI-..."I know how you feel..." I'm snapped from my thoughts by a familiar voice. "You have no fucking ide-..." "Yes i do." The voice cut me off sounding grim, broken, harsh, serious. I look at her in confusion.

Helga pulls up a chair and sits next to me. "They say sex is a beautiful thing." She scoffed. "What happened that day...that wasn't sex..." She forced out painfully. "He fucking lied to me."

"What happened?" I ask curiously. "you said your...stepfather raped you?" She scoffed. "For me it was my own fucking blood father." There was a moment of silence filled with tension as i realised i let my own bullshit assume that i knew this woman.

"He promised..." she choked. "He promised we were just doing a regular check up" she chuckled at her stupidity as a tear rolled down her cheek. "And i believed him..."

"The fucking bastard tied me down and invited his friends over..." "They treated me like a sex object...a fucking toy" She said with anger visibly taking over her facial expression. "My turn! round two! All three of them inside me at once. If i spoke i was fucking beaten. I was their fucking sex slave!" She chuckled

"They laughed at me...spit at me...touched me, penetrated my teenage body and in the end? They pulled up their pants, celebrated with a beer and left me there. Sweaty, sticky, bloody, teary, crying in pain, suffering, distress, begging for somebody to help me...nobody came..."

Her face was now red, teary and filled with rage. I saw fire burning in her eyes, she was ready to murder that guy. "And my mom? *Chuckles* She thought i was crazy. She refused to fucking believe me and would beat me if i said anything. As for that son of a bitch and his friends...free men..."

Tears rolled down her face at higher quantities. I instinctively went to hug her and she flinched at first but embraced me the same way i did to her. The poor lady was traumatized and she couldn't trust hugs as much anymore. There was this inexplicable warmth and comfort we both felt in each other as we cried in each other's arms. It was the best thing i've felt in a while. It was almost like a familiar comfort i've longed for for a long time.

"You know..." she forced out between sobs. "I had a daughter that day..."

A daughter? Did her father-...? Oh no... "her name is...well...Samantha" my jaw dropped to this statement. What even is real anymore? I don't understand and i don't want to. It's too fucking much for me.

My eyes started showering water unintentionally as i just layed there in shock.