I don't know how to feel. Am I real? I can feel the seconds passing, the minutes, the hours. Everything is going as slow as it is possible, and I can't breathe. What time is it? The alarm just went off... I have to go to school. My entire body feels heavy, I don't want to get up. I don't think I can physically get up without getting hurt. I try anyway though. I try to get up, sitting up, and accidentally hitting my head off the low ceiling of my 'room.'
“Ouch!” I whimpered to myself.. My body felt numb, completely numb now, as light as a feather. I got up, walked around the house, feeling completely lost, not even afraid if father was here or not. I wasn't really afraid of anything. A hand clamped onto the back of my neck, and I didn't fight it, I just let my head bash off the wall, then I went to clean up the blood that came oozing out of my nose. I wasn't even worried about who it was, or if they were going to come after me again.
My brother glared at me, I avoided eye contact, and walked out the door. I didn't even grab my book bag. I didn't forget, I just didn't think about going back to get it. I took my time to school, dragging my feet. I got there late, the bell for first period already going off. I missed homeroom, looks like I'll have to go to the office and sign in.
I feel so dreadful.
The day went by so slowly, every little thing that used to effect me didn't, even being ignored by Ally, or beaten up by her brute of a boyfriend. But then... I got to lunch. Alex was there, and she smiled at me. It felt like I just grew wings, and I flew over to her. I was love struck when I looked her in the eyes, and she looked back at me. She gave me a hug.
Man... she smells good.
I was staring at her all of lunch, I couldn't take my eyes off of her, but then she called my name. “Emit...” I heard her faintly whisper, then it came out again, but closer up and I snapped out of my day dream. “Emit,” she said again. I shot my head up and looked around at everyone, no one was paying attention, but it felt like they were.
“Y-Yeah Alex....” I said and gave a weak smile, trying to draw away attention from the fact that I was just staring at her for a good five minutes.
“Got anything to do later?”
I shook my head, swallowing and my eyes were wide.
“Oh...” She said
“Yep”
“Wanna go to the football game with me?”
My stomach dropped, my head got light, and I felt like I was going to pass out. Oh my god! I get to be with her! Yes! I was screaming to myself, and I felt like my emotions would get out, but I kept a straight face and just nodded. “Yeah... cool” She smiled happily and so did I, but just a little smile. We spent the rest of lunch talking about stupid little things, and I have to say... I love hearing her talk. I swear to god, she is the most perfect human being that has ever existed on the Earth. I felt like she was an angel, but she was kind of too sad to be an angel... so... she's like a fallen angel. God... I hope she'll be my fallen angel.
I looked at her while she spoke, she had the most amazing blue eyes. They seemed to change a little to gray, but they were still one hindered and ten percent perfect to me. Her hair was died blond, like a dirty blond, and I could see her real hair was darker, a sort of brown. I could see when she bit her lip, that everything about her was perfect. I have no idea why, but I loved it when she did that, and I don't even think she knew that she did it.
The bell rang, and my world collapsed around me. No! I want to stay here with her forever! I let out a whimper to myself and stood up, she grabbed my hand and smiled. “Want to walk me to class?” I nodded at her and smiled bigger, then I walked her through the hallways to her class, trying to keep my eyes off of her, but it was impossible, and I always took small little glances at her, taking in what she looked like. Alex looked down at me and giggled, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
Oh no! I thought to myself. She caught me! She's going to know that I like her! Play it cool Emit... come on... tell her the truth... right now. “I uh... just-” Alex stopped me from talking, put her hand on the back of my head and leaned in really close, kissing my lips softly. My jaw started shaking, I started shaking, and when she pulled away I had a nerdy smile on my face.
“Why are you shaking?” She asked and squeezed my hand. “are you nervous....?” I just nodded, and she smiled sweetly and let out a giggle. I felt like anything was possible at that moment, so I looked at her in the eyes, and kissed her gently, still shaking nervously. Someone from the group started walking up to us, and I pulled away from her. She sighed and walked into her classroom, and they smirked at me. It was Mason, and he had the most manacle grin on his face. His blue eyes gleamed at me, and then he let out a little laugh. “Did you just kiss Alex...?”
…...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................
I snuck out that night to go to the football game, I needed to see her, I needed to be with her. Alex, was the only thing on my mind. It was almost eight o'clock when I finally saw her. She laughed, ran up to me, pushed away a couple people who wanted to talk to her, and hugged me really tight. I hugged back, man it felt good to hug her. To be close to her.
Alex grabbed my hand, we didn't do much talking at all... unless it was just stupid little conversations like we always had. I stopped next to the wall, and she leaned her head back, holding onto my hand. She put my hands on her waist, and I smiled really bright, and started to shake a little bit more like when she kissed me. I smiled at her, I wanted to kiss her again, but man... was I scared.
A group of people came up to us, and started laughing. “Get a new girlfriend?” they laughed at her, and she was getting mad. They were making fun of me, and they were making fun of her, and I don't think she could take any of it, so she tried to go after them. They ran away, but I kept my hands on her hips, smiling.
Come on Emit... it's now or never, I said to myself, and got a sudden amount of bravery. I spun her around, pulled her close, and kissed her gently. Man I love this... man I love her... I love her... I love her so much. I will never stop this, I will never get over this... this feeling. I wouldn't even care if she broke me. She could tare me apart, limb from limb, and I would still be utterly in love with her. Her eyes, her smile, her everything. The hugs, because of her height compared to mine, the realization that she actually cares about me. She is here, and I don't care what she does, she will always be mine... even when she finds someone else, and even if she cheats, and even if she moves, and even if she dies, and even if I die... she will always be mine.
She shivered, I gave her my jacket, I loved this. When I got home that night, I couldn't stop smiling, as I snuck into my room, holding the jacket in my hand, so the scent of her wouldn't me replaced by my own, familiar one. I laid down, fully clothed, and clutched the sweatshirt to my chest, my face buried in the softness of it. It smelt like her, it has her scent on it, and I swear... I will never let go of this. And that night... I swore to myself... I would never let go of that moment, the scent of her, the simplicity of it all. I will never.... get over it.... no matter what happens. I. Will. Always. Love her. Alex... the girl of my dreams.
