The world is a weird place, but it's only weird because of one spacific thing that goes on in this world. Life. Life is a strange and misterious thing. I mean think about it, we go through it, day by day, and nothing seems to change. But then when you look back on it, everything seems to be different. You, your past relationships either with partners, or family members. Your additude seems different too, even if you don't think it does. Just take a minute though, take a minute to really look back on your life and think, think about how you used to be.
That's just one of the things that Alex and I talk about when we talk at lunch. We're still part of the group, her more than me, but we really don't talk to them much anymore. And I like it, I like being able to just have a conversation with her and I, in completely depth and be completely open about our opinions. I love it, and I love talking to her and not feeling sad. I like her, I like talking to her, because for at least a second, or minute, or hour, I am not a sad story, I am real.
Alex has gotten me into many new things, such as singing out loud at home when my dad is home. He has been acting strange since the oposite in the hospital, nicer, more imporved and not as harsh and cold towards me. He is even starting to fix that stupid little birdhouse that my mom loved so much that is hanging on the tree. I made sure to take all of my things out of it though, I don't want him to know that that is where I am keeping all of my hidden things.
I also have been getting into smoking a lot more than I have, but I haven't been smoking ciggarettes anymore. Alex and I listened to a very long lecture from Smoky. He explained how bad it is for you, and I thought about how much my mom tried to get my dad to quit smoking all those years ago, and how I still wake up from his loud coughing at night. All I remember is looking over to Alex and her knodding at him, but I was really confused about most of the things that he was talking about, but in a way I kind of did. I now know how bad smoking ciggarettes are, and at the end of lecture he took me away from the table.
He said he didn't want anyone else to know about what we were doing while we were walking, and he took me out of the lunch room and into the boys bathroom. I wasn't really sure what he was doing, but I watched as he checked under all of the stalls, and then grabbed me by the hood of my sweatshirt and pulled me into the handicapped stall.
When we got in, he locked it and took a small plastic baggy of green stuff that looked like oregino out of his jeens pocket, and a little glass bowl-looking-thing with a straw thingy attached to it. Ron dumped all the green stuff, which I now know was weed but I did not know then, and pulled a small lighter out of his pocket.
"Hold this," he said, and I did. I held the bowl in my hand and looked up at him. I was scared, I wasn't sure what he was about to make me do. He flicked the lighter on, and it sparked, but it didn't work. Then he did it again, and it did work. He told me to put my mouth by the straw thing, and when he lit the leaves to inhale. I did what he said, and I did it a couple times before I broke into a coughing fit. That's when he has me stop.
My eyes felt tired and my body felt kind of numb. It smelled like skunk around me, but I liked it, and I liked the feeling. After that Ron dumped the rest of the pot into the toilet, and made me leave before he flushed. So I did, and I went back to the cafeteria even though there was only about ten minutes left and I could have just walked through the hallways.
So when I came back I smelt like weed, but no one seemed to notice, and I was giggly. I mean really, I just kept laughing at everyone, and everyone laughed at me laughing, and I loved it. I don't know why, I don't even remember less than half of the things that they said, or that I said, I mean really I kind of blacked out. This though, this went on for a couple of weeks, before Ron just gave me a really big bag, and a cool glass bowl that lit up when I inhaled, and told me that that was the only free bag I was going to get, and that I now had to pay for it if I wanted more, and to take it slow and not smoke a lot at one time because then I would waste it and people would catch on quicker.
