Jesses Heart

Burdens

I couldn't contain the secrets anymore. About 10 months ago, when we were still in the states, I was 5 months pregnant with a baby boy. I was overjoyed, but the guy who got me pregnant left me alone after I took the test. What else could you possibly expect from a drunk 18 year old. His name was Justin. We were both 18 and drunk and stupid. No condom, No birth control, No nothing. He took my virginity as well as my childhood. After getting pregnant I had to grow up in ways I thought I never could in a short amount of time. And yet I wasn't afraid, I wasn't afraid to be a mom and I wasn't afraid of being alone. I was never really alone. Nevaeh promised she would take care of us. Even though I was angry at her when I went to that party and I drank to take away that anger, and she still came back. But 5 months later we got into a car accident, the baby and I. Nevy broke the news to me when I woke up.

I had lost him. I had lost my baby.

I didn't move from that bed for months. Just like I did today. She said it and I couldn't handle it. I just- broke.

I curled up into Tanners chest and bawled as he carried me to the couch.

"Jesse- I- what's wrong?" He asked, desperately searching my face for any signs of what was happening.

And then I laid it on him. And he sat there, his expression unchanging. And when I finished, I let my head drop to look at my hands tangled in my lap. He reached over with his big, rough hands and gently cradled mine.

"Everyone has a past. But we are here. I am here. And I'm not going to leave you." His face twitched as he looked down at me. He pulled me towards him and I laid my head down in his lap. He stroked my hair away from my face as I continued to cry. His hand drifted from my hair to in between my shoulder blades as he rubbed my back soothingly. I began to get tired again and my eyelids grew heavy. I took one last look at Tanner before shutting my eyes. He looked down at me like no one else ever has. I mean Nev gives me the I love you because I'm your mother look, but this, oh this was something else. It was...

Tanners POV

Love.

I looked at her as she slept peacefully and I couldn't figure out what I was feeling. And it dawned on me.

Love.

Though it was something I didn't believe in, I felt it. And it confused me. How could someone like me feel this. Someone who has repelled people my whole life, someone who pushed people away feel love? I thought God had damned me from the start I mean I'm dying and he gives me her?

I felt sick to my stomach. I watched her chest fall up and down gently with each breath.

Love. So this is love.

A/N

"I swear we are virgins!" Mhmm okay Jesse...