how I feel...

It broke me ..

It broke me ...
You kissed her but you said you love me ? I broke my own heart trying too be good enough for you , but I wasn't enough , I already had trust issues but you just broke me inside , it makes me physically sick because I've been so damaged .
Excuse after excuse but I fell for the words "I love you" every time , I was too blind too realise you didn't care about me at all . I was the only one that fell in love and now I was replaced I'm confused, what does she have that I don't , why was I not good enough ,
Alcohol is a quick solution , drink my life away and nobody will notice , say I'm fine and nobody will see the fact that I'm hurt so much I want too die , I want too cut again , I know I'm selfish for saying that the pain off heartbreak is too much .
You will never understand the feeling off heartbreak until you get heartbroken
Faking a smile is so much easier than explaining what's going on my head .
My mind is a scary place , I just want to cry because it's makes me feel so empty ,where I don't see the point living anymore , all I have is the memories replying in my head knowing they meant nothing too you , I meant nothing too you . You kissed her , I thought that I could trust you but clearly not , I no longer trust anyone not even myself anymore. I'm capable of doing so much that you don't realise , I could smoke and drink my life away but what good would that do . I Sit their staring into space think about you and her and it gets me too the point were I want to hurt myself because you damaged me . She was my friend , I though I could trust you both ,but no longer , she knew that I liked you , she knew that I kissed you on numerous occasions but yet she still went for you and you went for her..
You both deserve each other
You made me feel complete , like I was the luckiest person alive , glancing at your eyes I knew , I loved you , but you didn't understand that . You captured my heart but left it broken , that's why it's hard for me too let go ... every time I see you , you don't understand how much I have to hold myself back , yeah I'm awkward and i have depression but yet again you didn't care you used me , and I hate you for that but I still love you ?
I'm an idiot , I did everything to please you but it still wasn't good enough was it ? I put everyone's needs before mine , but it still wasn't good enough ..
them sleep-less night , crying myself too sleep . I just want you in my life but you never wanted me too be in yours , you wanted everything physically, but you never was their for me emotionally, I'm broken and you need to understand that . And you just broke me even more ... I wish I never met you
"I love you " many people call it hope but I call it a lie . For how many tears I've cried , somehow you broke me even more
I still remember the first time I looked at you , the first time I kissed and hugged you . The moment you lost me forever is when you didn't care about how I feel.
I say I'm fine , I'm okay but every time I lied and you believed ,By the smile that defines me , my happiness was never truly there , fighting , smoking , drinking ...I've got a messed up brain and messed up thoughts , "I'm fine " that statement was never true , every time I said that I wanted to scream, cry but then I would seem "weak:vulnerable" but I'm sorry that I think I'm worthless and that I don't belong here anymore and that i've fallen behind and that I've let that brake me and I'll never be the person I was , I hide my pain with a smile and I hide my thoughts within my mind ,
But now every time I think about you I get angry ,
I'm so angry all the time and it controls me it's like this burning feeling . I can't help it , you did this too me ,I can't help it I can't control it at all , I want to hurt people who have hurt me in the sense of revenge Because somehow you broke me even more, I want to hurt myself , fights , punching walls anything , Envious and insecure ?
I'm not good enough , I'm overwhelmed , frustrated, "I have to hurt people before they hurt me again" , I give too many people second chances . The rush adrenaline when I'm angry , I can't explain it , the worst bit is the people I've hurt I don't regret it. , I'm stressed out . And I don't feel sorry for it ... "breathe" I can't breathe when I'm angry my mind is focused in the frame of mind of Damaging something because I'm damaged