𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙀𝘿 on the 𝙎𝘼𝙈𝙀 𝙎𝙆𝙔 - 𝚔𝚎𝚒 𝚝𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚊

20 - Written In The Stars

Days has already passed, it's already the month of September. I have done my job in my mother's company. I say that it's terrible as hell.

The school has also started. And it becomes stressful than before. Kei and the others are rarely attending class, they are hell-bent in preparing for the Spring Tournament.

It saddens me whenever I think of the things Kei told me last time.

". . . it feels like I don't know who you are."

Surprising to me, yet I can't blame them. It's my fault for not being honest. I'm an ignorant and hypocritical person. It feels like I don't deserve anyone . . . on anything. I'd rather be alone than hanging out with those good people.

Lots of things are happening, and I'm also skipping classes. I don't go to school like every day. I have my own issues and the people in school are adding pressure to me.

The students around me are stupid. I am always attacked by some idiots—the puerile imbeciles. What's more ridiculous that they have the nerves of spouting nonsense. I have seen a lot of rude and aggressive people, to the extent of harming me already.

I can't seize their idiotic thinking; what goes through their thick skulls. It's because I can't comprehend their motives, I'm actually pestering myself to quit school.

Never in the class time that I would arrive in the homeroom without receiving any form of libel. There would be nasty doodles and scribbles written on my desk.

UGLY

KILL YOURSELF!

GET LOST

DIE

I don't want to care about it, but I guess it has already scarred my life. And I have always been rewarded by cruelty. Mirthful as it seems, but I can't do anything. I am already voiceless, to begin with. None would listen, because no one cared. And if someone actually cared, this matter will be disclosed.

What's more shameful is that . . . I don't really care as well.

And I can't hinder the fact that my health isn't in the excellent state. It worries me, but I try not to mind, because if I mind it, then the level of my stress will increase.

Both are hell.

I have been eating less than I expected. Maybe because of stress that I will feel so sick just to eat something. I got all used in leaving or staying the house without eating breakfast or lunch. I would eat very little at dinner. The worst habit I have that I drink coffee more often. I don't know if that sounds good, but it becomes my source of energy to get through the day.

There are times that I would almost faint in the middle of my exams; I can't last thirty minutes in P.E class; bullies and immature people would flock me up . . . Thus that reason why I'm always absent.

I'm aware that my grades are always failing. Those thoughts make me worried about how my mother would react because of this, I don't want to see her disappointed gazes towards me. Only by imagining it, I want to run away and will never return.

This is not getting fine . . .

I'm very anxious about everything, feeling very isolated.