Breathe

|| Chapter 12 ||

VERY SENSITIVE SUBJECTS DISCUSSED!!!

I turn over to look at the time, almost spilling my drink, causing my light-brown haired friend Erika to drunkenly laugh at my clumsiness.

2:34 a.m.

Considering we don't have anything to do tomorrow since we have the day off I'd say it's pretty early.

We were both currently sitting on the rug floor in Erika's room, careful not to spill any drinks on the rug. But smart enough not to sit on her bed to not spill anything on the snow white sheets.

"Erika?"

"Hmmmmmmm?" She swigs another drink of whatever alcoholic drink she had in her glass and pored in more, turning her attention towards me.

"Do you think the boys can hear us across the wall?" I giggle thinking about us keeping the boys up.

"Nah, Benny just texted me so I know they're all still awake." She continues to laugh but my smile drops at the mention of Ben.

I've been avoiding him like the plague for the past few days. I don't even know why; it could be a mixture of the ominous text messages, my first show coming up, or something else I can't think of.

"Heyy goober, what's wrong? Where did that award winning Maisley smile go off to?" She tries to frown but it's taken over by her smile she couldn't contain.

I stifle a small laugh and take another drink of the sweet liquid, "I don't know Erika. Is there something wrong with me?"

"No, Mac, is something on your mind? You know you can always talk to me about that subject hun." Her face finally goes serious.

I hear some other voices outside of Erika's bed area, but assume it's just the other girls getting a midnight snack and brush it off.

"It's bad Erika."

"Tell me, don't hold it in." She places a hand on my leg, I wipe away a tear I didn't know escaped before the flood gates opened. I noticed the sounds outside have become hushed but assume the girls have gone to bed or are watching TV.

"I just- I don't- ugh." I groan out.

She gives me a reassuring nod and I take a deep breathe in, and out. If I had anyone I could talk to about this it's Erika.

I tie my curly hair in a pony tail and take one more sip of my drink allowing the numbness to overflow me once more and begin, "He hurt me Erika, as much as I try not to think of it I do. The thoughts come to me like advertisements on the television. Unwanted, sudden, and all at once. The latest one has been bad..."

"Look, Chase, I really don't think I'm ready." I beg.
"Common it'll be fun Maisley, it'll make me feel less stressed just do it. Be a good girlfriend for once and do something I want."

"You know that's not true, I do everything you want." I practically spit, "Why can't we go out on a date or something, not everything we do together has to be in your house locked in your room! I'm tired of it." I've been wanting to end it, desperately trying but not knowing how, fearful of the unknown of the future.
"Whatever Maisley, be like that, maybe I'll just find another girlfriend."
Okay.
"Don't say that."
"Then do it. Try it maybe you'll like it."
Fear takes over me and I panic. Fear makes you do regrettable things. I go down on him and instantly don't like it, he grabs my head and makes me continue until he finishes in my mouth.
"See? Wasn't that nice...."

Silence.

"Honey, did that really happen?" I slowly nod my head, all energy I had suddenly replaced with nothing but numbness.

"Mac, look at me."

I look up and she takes her hand in mine.

"Was that the only time he forced you to do something like that?" I shake my head no, the familiar burn of tears begins to crawl up to my nose, my throat begins to close.

"Maisley, that's considered rape."

The word I didn't want to hear, I refused to think of.

"No, no it's not." A sob escapes my lips and I stand up knocking over my empty glass and back away towards the door.

"Maisley he forced you and did something you didn't consent to." She beings walking up to me but I continue to shake my head no, tears and snot stain my face. My chest is tight, the world around me is spinning. Sweat stains my body and the panic sets in.

My breath is nearly nonexistent and I open the door to make my way to my room.

I look at the room around me and another wave of panic hits me harder than before.

Seven faces all wear the same expression, and I know they heard everything I said.

Those were the voices I heard earlier. Ashley, Kate, Taylor, DeMarius, Grey, Kevin, and Ben.

"Fuck." Is all I can get out before the world starts spinning again. No one moves, I look at Erika and I can tell she had no idea, her hand covers her mouth still in shock.

"Mac." I hear the voice that I wish wasn't here.

Ben stands up and before he can make his way towards me I full out sprint across the TV area into my room.

"Let her go." A voice speaks and I can only imagine the look of hurt that dances across Ben's face right now.

I slam and lock my door, stripping off all my clothes heading into the shower and turn it on it's hottest setting and just sit there crying.

What just happened? I think trying to calm down my breathing.

Rape.

They all heard it.

Rape.

I turn off the water not bothering to dry off and put on my biggest hoodie and sweatpants to feel as covered up as possible.

Rape.

I shut off all lights and get under the covers.

Everyone heard it.

Rape.

I just wanna say I know this is really deep but this happened and I just recently realized what it was, if anyone needs to dm me just a reminder they're always open. Thank you if you're still reading, it means more than anything to me in this time. (sorry for spelling/grammar I can't reread this as much as I would want to). I love you all ♥️