The Heart Mender

Ch 6: The Feeling

The last thing I remember is curling up on this tiny couch in some recording studio,listening to Justin working on his next album. He was working on a song called "The Feeling " and was collaborating with another artist named Halsey. The song was ethereal. Justin had been singing the same verse in different pitches for a while. When it came to his music,he was definitely a perfectionist. I fell asleep to him singing
"You are to me
A part of me just like anatomy, oh
You're pulling me
You're pulling me in like your gravity, oh"
I felt like I could relate. He was beyond a doubt pulling me in like gravity. These last 3 months we've been inseparable. I left the Miami Ballet to persue modeling. Justin talked me into starting my career out in L.A., and although I was adamant that I didn't want his connections or name to get me jobs...I flew my ass out to be with him.
I don't know what it is about him, but he can get anyone to do what he wants. He's persistent as fuck! He texted me
"Twinkles, come to California. When I'm with you, everything seems worth it."
I got that text over 100 times before I gave in to him. It's been exciting and overwhelming to be part of Justin's inner circle. To watch him go from relaxed and carefree with friends, to anxious and guarded in public has made me completely protective of him.
It sounds like we're a couple,the way I'm talking, but we are just really good friends.
At least that what I keep telling myself.

I woke up after some time and felt like a snuggled burrito. My back was pressed up against the cushions, and light breaths were blowing on my chest. I looked down to find Justin snuggled into me like I was his life size teddy bear. I could tell he was sound asleep by the rise and fall of his shoulders. He had his arms wrapped around me,his head pressed to my heart, and his top leg had become nuzzled between mine. My chin was resting on his head and I tilted down to smell his hair. It always smelled like peppermint and vanilla. An odd combination, but damn did it smell amazing.  His body heat was just right and I never felt more comfortable and at peace in my life. He must have been exhausted from recording and decided to use me as his human pillow. I can't say this is the first time we've slept like this. I've been coming to his recording sessions alot. We usually have a decent crew with us, I even bring my bestie Kendall sometimes.  But the night (or morning) always ends with just us, always falling asleep next to each other.
The paparazzi have been honing in on our friendship lately, and everyone thinks I'm just another quick pitstop for Justin. But our friendship is hard to explain to the outside world. I wouldn't get it either, if I was an outsider. I don't get it myself. And lying next to him like this...I knew I was starting to feel way to much for it to be just friendship.
I could never tell him that, at least not now. He's finally getting to a good place, and I don't want him to feel like I'm something he needs to manage. I want it to be easy and natural, I just have to keep myself in check.
His breath on my chest was lulling me back to sleep, but a buzzing sound coming from his back pocket kept waking me up. I didn't want him to wake up, so I slowly lifted it out from his pocket to turn it off. A text came through as I was about to turn his phone to silent.  I didn't want to read it and invade his privacy, but the first line caught my eye. I wish I would have stopped there. I didn't.

"Been trying to call you all night. Your obviously sleeping by now. It's 4am. I just can't stop thinking about yesterday. I swear I didn't plan on doing what we did when I asked you to stop by. I've just been going through alot and missed you. I know your also struggling too. Our physical connection was never the problem and yesterday proves that. God, it's been so long since you've been inside me. I forgot how good it felt. Forgot how good you tasted. I know we can't keep doing this. It's just you do things to my body that make me escape this world. I crave the feeling I get from our connection. I can't be with you like we used to be, but my body is yours whenever you want it. Just call me, ok?"