Stormy

Chapter 17

"Flashback to the time in your life

When you thought it would be easy

But it's hard when you take on the world alone

The one shot that you fire at the sky

Hoping someone else can see it

Just a sign that you're not out there on your own"

I close my eyes and start to sing. Even though I try my best, it's hard to concentrate on these lyrics that focus on the feeling of togetherness and being there for each other, as reality just feels so different at the moment. Halfway through the recording, Martijn stops me. "Okay, do that again.", he says. "Why? What's wrong?", I ask. "It's just not good enough.", he exclaims. Oh wow, we're really back to the start of this whole project. One night has destroyed all the chemistry we had. Now he's back to his super rude side. I already start missing the calm and inspirational persona of Martijn. Anyways, I try my best to swallow my protest and start singing again as he gives me the cue. This time, he lets me finish the song as far as we have it. I take off the headphones and ask: "How did you like this take?" Martijn looks me straight up into the eyes and says: "It's alright given that is just a demo recording. But for the real recording, you'll really have to make a bigger effort. Plus the lyrics still need a lot of work too. Your voice is good, but it all really has to fit the quality of the music." "Okay like are you serious now? Just because I don't agree with the way you party, you don't have to treat me unfairly music-wise. The take was good and you know that as well. Don't put your music on a whole different level than mine, because it is not.", I erupt. "Oh Julie. You have so much to learn if you want to pursue music professionally one day... Your work just isn't good enough at the moment.", Martijn says. With tears in my eyes, I get up and say: "Watch your words, Martijn." Then I leave the studio. His criticism is completely uncalled for. Of course, there is always room to improve, but to bring me down like that was just completely unfair. He knew he could hurt me with these words. I make a few steps away from the studio cubicle area and hide away between two of the library bookshelves. I sit down on the floor and can't hold back the tears. It's just too much and I can't take it anymore. What felt so good a few days ago now feels so different. Somehow, I miss the "old" Martijn. For a few more minutes, I am alone, but then I hear someone approach me. It is Mrs. Verholen. As she sees me, she gives me a worried look and sits down next to me: "Julie, my dear, what are you doing here? Are you... have you been crying?" I remain quiet for a while, but then I decide to trust her: "I... have been arguing with Martijn. We were working on the song and then we had an argument about the quality of the demo recording of the vocals. I just don't feel like he's treating me in a fair and respectful way. I mean, we are supposed to be a team after all." "I'm very sorry to hear that.", my teacher says, "But it is no reason for you to cry. You have to be confident about your music, my dear, because if you aren't, nobody else will be. I know it is hard, but this is one of the most important skills for you to learn in this project. Believe in yourself, because you have every reason to do so." "But it's so hard.", I say, "He just gives me so much unfair criticism. He says I'm not good enough to pursue music as a career one day and I know he does it just to hurt me." "I'm sure Martijn is not an easy partner to work with, but we put the both of you together because we believe in the strengths each of you brings to the table. You have no reason to hide away, Julie. In my career in music I made the experience that you sometimes just have to put trust in your producer and swallow all their criticism. Just ask him to do another take and put all of your energy in it, instead of using it to cry. Use all these emotions to prove him that you are strong. And if he wants another take, give it to him. I am a 100% sure you will convince him.", she encourages me. "Are you sure?", I ask hesitantly. "Of course.", she says and gives me a smile. Then she hands me a tissue to wipe my tears away and helps me to get up. "I believe in you, Julie.", she adds. "Thank you for the advice, Mrs. Verholen. I'll try my best.", I answer. She always has good advice for her students. Mrs. Verholen herself toured Europe and the States with several different singers in the past and has written a bunch of songs for famous artists. That way, she keeps guiding her students with her experience and it feels like she has lived through all these situations that we are now experiencing ourselves. I decide to follow her advice and slowly walk back to the studio in the hope that Martijn hasn't left yet. Turns out, he is still there, working on the project. I take a deep breath before I open the door. "Let's do another take, if the last one wasn't good enough.", I exclaim and Martijn turns around. He didn't see that one coming. "You're not gonna do any better today.", he stutters. "You don't know that. Give me another chance. I want it to be perfect as well, so if the last one wasn't good enough in your opinion, I'll work for it until it is good enough. Just give me a chance.", I explain my intention. "I guess we can try.", Martijn gives in. He positions the microphone for me again and soon gives me the cue to start singing again.