I quickly walk past Martijn and into the dorm building, but I can hear him coming after me. As I reach my floor, Martijn has finally caught up to me. "Julie, stop. Why are you running away from me?", he asks and grabs me by the shoulder. "Martijn, please, just leave me alone.", I answer, removing his hand from my shoulder. "Why are you like this all of a sudden? You're not believing the shit they've been saying to you, are you?", Martijn says. "Sorry, Martijn.", is all that I can say for now and I make a beeline for Emma and I's room, quickly shutting the door behind me. It hurts to be that cold to Martijn, but all I want is silence, time to reflect, being alone. I know he just wanted the best for me, but I simply couldn't take it anymore. After a few minutes, the knocking on my door fades away and I can hear Martijn leave. Finally. I spend the rest of the afternoon in bed, feeling completely drained from the events of the day. As Emma comes home in the evening, she immediately realizes that something is wrong. She takes off her shoes, puts down her bag and then hops onto my bed, simply giving me a hug. She sits next to me, sneaks her feet underneath my blanket and just waits until I'm ready to talk. As I begin to speak, I have made my decision already, but I keep it to myself for now. This is between me and Martijn. I tell Emma everything else that happened and she listens to me, as always, being the great friend that she is. Still, she insists that my reaction was wrong. She insists that it wasn't Martijn's fault and I know she's right. It really isn't his fault. It is mine.
After classes the next day, I run into Martijn again while I'm spending my lunchbreak outside with Emma. We lock eyes from afar already and he comes over to us: "Julie, can we talk?" Emma nudges me in the side and I quietly nod my head. We walk a few steps away from the other people on the school yard. Martijn shoots me a questioning glare and I try to avoid his eyes. "Come on, Julie.", is all he says. I sigh: "I'm sorry about how I acted yesterday, my nerves just got the best of me. But to be honest, in one point the girls were actually right." "No they weren't!?", Martijn protests, "What point would that be?" "The point that you did so much for me on this song. You put so much work into making me shine and I keep getting all that praise for such little work I did. It's really not fair to you.", I explain. "Ahh come on, that's absolute bullshit. You know exactly how hard we worked on it together. Both you and me. It was a team effort. I shouldn't even have to be telling you this.", Martijn says, a slight hint of anger and disappointment in his voice. "Martijn, you're going out of your way for me. All these times. You organized a birthday party for me, you took me to songwriting sessions at your studios, you offered to pay to get my guitar fixed. I really don't want to be friends with you just because of your money and take advantage of that. You really don't need to do that for me. I appreciate you for the person that you are and for the beautiful bond we have created over the music. But I don't want your money nor your fame. I really can't take this anymore. I'm sorry.", I continue to explain. I turn around because I can't stand the pressure of looking him in the eyes any longer, as I add: "And this is also why I'm not going to be available to perform at ADE or for the music video to 'Now That I've Found You'. I really appreciate you wanting to do all these things for me, but you and I both need to realize that I have to take these steps in my own effort. I don't even know if I want to be a performing artist or if I just wanna stick to songwriting... I really can't be taking advantage of our friendship like that. I need you to understand that." "Julie, that's insane. I mean I see how they've left that negative seed in your mind and I also know how easily you lose trust in yourself and what you're capable of, but you really cannot be wanting to do this? That's not you, damn it. You're giving them exactly what they are asking you for. You're surrendering. You can't do that!", Martijn exclaims. The disappointment in his voice is now more than obvious. "Martijn, I have to do that. All I ask is for you to respect that choice.", I answer, fighting the nausea that comes up inside of me. I find Emma's eyes in the distance and she has obviously heard our discussion even from where she's standing and waiting for me. Her eyes say 'Are you okay?' and I don't even know the answer myself. Martijn grabs my shoulder and gently forces me to turn around. "Listen.", he says, "If that is really what you want, my team and I will of course respect your choice. We can do a lyric video instead of one featuring you and I can just play out the studio version of the song during ADE. And I even understand where you're coming from, I also have the urge to do every little thing by myself. Success has to grow naturally. It's good that you are like that, many artists and especially singers out there would take quick success over anything. But I still think what you're doing is wrong. And I'm more than disappointed in you if you think I was trying to make our friendship all about material things. Because that was never my intention. Not at all. If that's what you're thinking about me, you don't even know me one bit." "No, Martijn, that's not what I was saying, I...", I say but he interrupts me quickly: "Nah, don't worry, it's fine. I'll respect your choice, Julie. Just know that what the girls were saying is completely wrong and I see you falling for that. Biggest mistake you could possibly make." And then, it's his turn in leaving me alone. What have I done?
YOU ARE READING
Stormy
Lãng mạnFollow Julie and Martijn, as well as Emma and Julian on their journey through the big end of the school year showcase project at Herman Brood Academy. Their departments usually don't get along, now each vocalist from Julie's & Emma's class is paired...