Stormy

Chapter 32

During homeroom class the next day, Mrs. Verholen has an announcement to make: "Okay, everyone, listen up! I've got some exciting news for all of you. Next week, our department is going to host a little showcase for the graduation class of the producer department. The boys will soon need to start working on their graduation projects and are therefore currently looking for a suitable vocalist to join them on the project. It's going to be a three day workshop during which the boys will be evaluated on different skills in music production, some of which will involve working together with a songwriter, writing lyrics and recording vocals. We want to offer them the chance to work together with some of you, but they may also bring in people from outside of the school if they prefer that. Anyways, I'm expecting all of you to join the showcase. It's a great opportunity to work on your skills and some of you have already made first experiences in this year's project class. The workshop will be quite similar to that, just with a shorter amount of time available to you. So why not continue like this? Any questions from your side?" "Will it be just our year or is everyone going to be able to join?", a girl seated in the last row asks. "It's open to everyone from our department.", Mrs. Verholen explains. "Will we be evaluated in any way? Is it relevant to our grades?", another girl wants to know. "No, not in this way.", our teacher answers, "But of course the producers will rely on you to give your best, because the quality of your work together will of course be relevant to their grades. So it'd be nice if you'd support them in the best possible way." "Can we prepare for the showcase in vocal practice?", Emma asks and I see that she's definitely wanting to join. Maybe Julian has asked her to work with him already. "Of course, Emma.", Mrs. Verholen nods, "You can pick a song of your choice and work on that with your vocal teacher this week. We've let them know already and they are waiting for your song suggestions. But, you'll have to limit yourself to one song only, as there is people from all three years joining the showcase and otherwise it would be too long." "Do the producers get to pick the vocalist then?", one of the few boys in our class wants to know. "Exactly. It's already part of the choices that will affect the outcome of their graduation project. So we're going to leave the choice all open for them and no teachers will be involved in the process.", she answers. "Will it be just about the songwriting or is there any kind of performance included in the project as well? Like do we have to perform the songs that we're working on with them?", I finally dare to ask the question that has been bugging me for the past few minutes. "To be honest, I am not too sure if there isn't like a little showcase at the end of it or if you'd be asked to sing the song during their graduation ceremony, but that should be nothing that any of you would have to worry about. I'll reconfirm that with Mr. de Vries for you though.", she explains. I bite my lip. Somehow, I have to make up my mind about all of this quickly. To make things right with Martijn and to fulfill Mrs. Verholen's expectations of me. I'm sure she wants me to join the showcase as she's been quite fond of my work in the project class already. It would probably be hard to explain to her if I decided I didn't want to join. I need to speak to Martijn. In case I'd join, it would be to work with him.

Later that day, I meet up with him for one of the last sessions of our project class. "Hey, Martijn.", I say as I enter our studio cubicle. He just quickly turns around to give me a quick "Hey." and then continues to stare on his screen. I swallow. Back to our old ways. Not again. "What are you working on?", I ask, trying to get a conversation going. "Final tweaks on the master before rendering it. I'm at version 43 or something.", he says, "I have to finish it up this week because I won't be here the next few times because of ADE. My team and I need to prepare for the show." Martijn's showing me the cold shoulder again. ADE... Silence fills the room for a while, before I grab Martijn by the shoulder: "Hey... Martijn... Please, can we talk?" "Talk? There's nothing to talk about, Julie. You've made your decision and my team and I are going to accept that. No worries.", he answers. "Please, I know I messed up. Just listen, okay?", I plead and he finally turns around and looks at me. His eyes an indefinite mixture of a stormy grey and ocean blue. "Look, I'm really sorry for what I said about our friendship. That's something I should have never pulled into the conversation. I really am so glad to have you as a friend and I can just hope that you know that, too.", I begin to explain. Martijn nods his head, waiting for me to continue speaking without saying a word himself. "And I also really appreciate you sharing all your knowledge, your contacts and your passion for music with me. That really means so much.", I say. "But?", Martijn asks challengingly. "But... I'm not yet too sure what exactly I want from music. I always thought I'd want to be a performing artist. Going on stages, singing for big crowds... You know, all that stuff. That was always my goal. But then I met you, and you took me songwriting on the boat and later introduced me to Albin and Kris. And that sparked something in me.", I say. Martijn's facial expression suddenly seems gentler, almost like he understands. "Meeting them showed me that there are other possibilities to get involved in music too. By doing what I love most, which is writing songs. And I don't have to perform them. I can fully focus on the creative process. I'd love that. Maybe that is the way I'd like to go. Maybe stages like ADE just aren't for me. I feel like I had to figure that out. And I'm really sorry I caused you so much trouble through that. I really didn't mean to.", I add. "So... you're still not going to perform?", Martijn asks hesitantly...