At the very beginning of April, I shivered beneath a cheap cotton blanket to shield myself from the frigid temperature resulting from our broken heating system. I laid peacefully in the dark with my eyes tightly shut. I sat in my pitch black room and pondered my past and present as I'd been doing for countless hours. There was not one sound surrounding me besides my teeth chattering together frantically amongst my father's heavy snoring through our paper thin walls. This was usually my favorite time of day, an hour or two before dawn. Extroverted, yes, but something about time spent with no one but myself and my thoughts with zero distractions had always been comforting to me. My friends call me an insomniac, I prefer "visionary."
On a typical morning, I always tend to think about the happy moments in the past or what an extraordinary future I could have some day. This night was different, and I still hopelessly fail to put my finger on as to why. My usual pre-sleep dreams had been crushed and built over by the unfortunate moments I had initiated with great regret last year. My mind run amok between my cringeworthy image and remorse for how my past behavior left negative impact on the people who cared for me the most.
"Go to sleep Fiona! You have school in a few hours, you're not going to be able to function! Stop worrying about the past, this is now and you've changed!" My brain was telling me to just relax, to get some rest. I wanted to listen, I did. I couldn't let go of my truth, I couldn't believe I could ever act so foolish. I sighed in frustration and went back to just peacefully closing my eyes while I tried to settle down my raging anxiety.
The next thing I knew it was morning, and I was being awoken from my not so restful slumber. I slid out of my warm cocoon of blankets and began to get ready to face another day, praying I get last night's torturous memories off my mind.
