It'd been one month since my parents dropped the bomb that Nico was sick. My satisfying rows of A's in the grade book had tragically been dropped to F's and D's. I still hadn't told my friends about my brother, and I intended to keep it that way. My parents forced Piper to continue her studies at college although she wanted to stay home. Everything was falling apart, I just wanted to go back to the peaceful sanctuary that was my life. I'd unknowingly isolated myself from everybody that meant something to me, even Charlie. My Saturdays at Ivy's quickly transformed into hours spent in hospitals and doctors visits for Nico. They promised they would help him, but he just kept getting worse.
I stopped eating lunch with the rest of my friends, and instead hid in the bathroom hungry and scared. I couldn't bring myself to tell anybody what was happening no matter how badly I wanted to. My life was over, and the world around me remained utterly oblivious. Charlie tried to make conversation and keep our spark alive, but we failed to discuss the elephant in the room that was the spark was dying; we were dying.
Ivy invited me to her house one Saturday where Nico had no appointments so I decided to go. It was awkward and full of forced conversation. She finally spoke up. "Fi, something's up. We're all worried about you, especially Charlie. Will you just tell me what's wrong?" In that moment I wanted nothing more but to open up and tell my best friend everything. But I swallowed the truth and blankly stared back at her. "Everything's fine," I lied. "Just really stressed, with midterms and stuff? I'll be alright I swear." She shrugged it off and continued to doodle a hibiscus flower on the corner of her math assignment. "I'm gonna make us something to eat, kay? I'll be back in ten." As she left, I got a text from Charlie. We hadn't spoken in days.
Charlie: Are you going to tell me what's wrong?
Fiona: Haha nothings wrong, just stressed for midterms. Sorry I've been off lately.
Charlie: We both know that's not true. Tell me.
Fiona: I don't know what you want from me, I'm serious
Charlie: Whatever Fiona. Do whatever the fuck you want I don't give a shit.
I threw my phone down in anger and cracked my knuckles, a new anxious habit I'd picked up. How could he say that to me? If he knew something was wrong, why wasn't he supporting me? I heard a knock on the door just before Toby entered Ivy's hippie-themed bedroom. "Hey Fiona, I just wanted to apologize for the last time you were here. I was going to do it earlier, but I haven't seen you around. I promise I'm not usually like that, it was just a bad day. We good?" In a fit of resentment with no hesitation, I swiftly stood up and began kissing him. I don't know why, I was just so mad at Charlie I felt like I had to. After about a minute, I pulled away. "Yeah, were good," and shut the door behind him. The worst part was, I didn't even care. I didn't care about Charlie or the fact that he was Ivy's brother. I wanted him, so I took him. I didn't give a shit about what would happen to Charlie and I. Did I even love him anymore?
I got home that night without a care in the world. I was the only one that mattered. I sat down at my mirror and peered upon my reflection for a moment or two. Damn, have I always been this pretty? I stroked a strand of my hair in between my fingers. I needed a change as a celebratory act of my newfound confidence. I hopped on my bike and headed over to our local grocery store not far from my house. I entered the hair care aisle and selected a box of auburn dye and shoved it into my jeans and innocently left the store. My heart was thumping out of my chest from the adrenaline. I'd been a goodie two shoes my entire life, I had no idea breaking the rules could feel this good.
I eagerly approached my front door and hurried inside. I unboxed the dye and and laid it on my floral comforter. I glanced at my phone and noticed a missed text from Charlie.
Charlie: Meet me at the park at 7
I assumed he was breaking up with me, how could he not? The vintage alarm clock on my bedside table read 6:45, so with a huff and scowl I smashed the bottle of dye back into the box and began my short venture to the playground placed equally between my house and Charlie's. I saw him sitting beneath the white gazebo blowing on a dandelion. I scoffed. Charming.
I slowly approached him, preparing for my first breakup. To my surprise, he pulled me towards him by my waist and kissed me on the forehead. He cleared his throat and blinked trying to figure out what to say. He took a deep breath and looked into my eyes. "Fi, let's discuss the elephant in the room shall we?" I furrowed my brow.
"What elephant? There's nothing going on I swear I'm fine."
"You've been off for weeks. And not just with me, everyone's noticing it. You stopped eating lunch with us, your grades are getting worse, not to mention you're acting like a completely different person! I don't like this new you, just please tell me what's up."
I felt a tear or two begin to puddle down the side of my nose and onto Charlie's shoulder. I couldn't keep it in anymore, I had to tell him. I closed my eyes. "Nico's sick. He has a tumor and- and the doctors say it doesn't look too good." He stared back at me, speechless. I didn't expect him to know what to say, how could he? I shoved my feelings aside. "Nobody knows ok? And I want to keep it that way. Don't tell anybody, not even Ivy. Please Charlie." He imitated a lock and key motion against his lips and kissed my cheek. "I love you Fiona. Always."
Returning back home, I felt better now that I'd told someone what was going on. It still wasn't enough, however. I brushed the dye onto my hair until my sunny blonde locks had been drastically transformed into a not so subtle ginger glow. After a few hours, I rinsed the dye out and watched the beautiful crimson spirals circle down my shower drain. I fell asleep on top of a towel to prevent staining and woke up the next morning to a new and improved me.
Everyone noticed my new hair the next morning. I knew everybody was staring at me, but how could you not? I liked being confident, I loved knowing I was beautiful.
When the lunch bell chimed, I approached the bathroom ready to enter and backtracked. Maybe I should eat with my friends today, it's been too long. I sat beside Charlie and he kissed me on the cheek, as per usual. It was nice how everybody acted like I'd never left and we could all be normal. After five minutes, Evie finally spoke up. "Fiona. Hair. What the fuck." I blushed and smiled. "I don't know, I just wanted a change I guess." Evie fake smiled and gave me a thumbs up. "Looks good!" I could tell she was lying, but I didn't care. Not my fault she's jealous.
After lunch was English. I sat down and beside me was a girl I'd never seen before. She had coarse, dark hair and was so skinny you could see her ribs poke through her cashmere sweater. She smiled at me. "Hey, I'm Sophie. I just moved here, what's Penderwick's English program like?" We talked until the bell rang, she seemed sweet enough for me to ask for her number so we could make plans.
After school I rushed home to see Nico sitting on the couch watching cartoons. He was out of the hospital for a few days to catch up on school work and spend time with us. I kissed his head and ruffled his hair. "Hey kid, whatcha up to?" He shrugged. "I dunno. Cartoons. Still sick." I frowned. "We're gonna make it through Nico. I love you forever." He nestled his tiny head between my hand and my lap as I stroked his hair. Thankfully he wasn't looking at me right now, god forbid my angel of a brother ever see me shed a tear.
———————————————————————Lol Fiona went sicko mode on Toby she a thot though
