URGENT (Book 2 of the Soundcrush Series)

Chapter 49: Hippie Chics Say Screw It

Ashlynn

Will you want me to?

Leed says those words, looking like a sad little boy, and I know, if he backs out that door, all the comfort I gave him will go cold with the rejection I just put up between us.

I've learned to live with a lot of things. Pain. Detox. Addiction. Disappointment. Unrequited love. Shame. Guilt. The Regimen of Sobriety. Loneliness. Isolation. Swallowing pride. Making amends.

The one thing I can't live with is the person who saved my life thinking he doesn't have my admiration. My respect. My loyalty. My comfort.

Oh, screw it.

I cross the floor to Leed in four steps. I guess he sees my feelings burning in my eyes, because he catches me up, pulls me in, and I don't have to kiss him.

He kisses me.

It's not what I expect. Not at all.

It's not unfamiliar and messy and awkward like every first kiss I have ever had.

Leed kisses me like he performs a sun salutation—smooth and sure. With crystal clear intent.

He kisses me like he means to make it a practice.

His mouth is soft but relentless, teasing, sucking, softly biting, gently learning me, claiming me, excavating depths of feelings I never knew I had. He tastes spicy and sweet. Like jalapenos and caramel coffee. Things that shouldn't go together but taste immediately right and balanced, to me. I want more. I press into him, sucking the taste of him off his tongue.

His kiss moves all in me. All over me. The heat rolls.

Wow. I get it now. The whole Chi thing. Leed has got mine going.

I shiver as our long lean bodies fire into each other, and he pulls me tighter, his large hands splaying on my back and calming the quaking of my spine. The longer it goes on, the more we vibrate with energy. Higher and higher, my brain bleeding more and more bliss.

Drugs have never put me this high. Yoga has never put me this high. Hell, sex has never put me this high.

Leeds hands are on my ass now, palming, squeezing, pulling...pulling me out the door as he exits backward.

At the last possible second, I reclaim myself and put my hands against the door frame, wedging myself inside, refusing to be drawn out into the open. This kind of thing isn't allowed here. This is a place to focus on recovery, not romance. I shouldn't have done that. Leed keeps moving backwards, his lips pulling away, his hands dragging heavy with regret across my butt and hips as they leave my body.

I'm panting. He's doing that thing that Mac does—his golden complexion paling in shock, making his normally light freckles bright in the morning song.

He rakes his hair back from his face, lacing his fingers behind his head.

"What the fuck was that?" he whispers.

I blink. "I'm...I'm sorry?" I whisper.

"You should be," he says slowly, but then his large lips twitch once, twice. They spread into an irresistible grin. "How the fuck am I supposed to walk away from that?"

The strangled sound I make is girlish—not at all like me. It sounds like someone younger. Like someone with hopes and dreams. I motion to his feet, that have backpedaled him all the way out the door and down the step. "You seem to be managing."

"Only because...this place. Your sobriety. The Kid. The band. The distance. Fuck, my sanity, " he rambles.

I nod. He's making no sense, but at the same time, he's making perfect sense. There's a lot of reasons he should walk away. We can't do this. I try to find a way to lighten the mood.

"Sure. Yeah. I get it. It's all good. I'm just glad to finally know."

He's doesn't take my meaning. "What's that?"

"That what they say about you is true. That you make every fangirl feel like a Queen."

He shakes his head with a sheepish grin. "You are no fangirl, Ashlynn. Never had a fangirl make me feel..." he trails off. "Fuck it," he says suddenly. "Do you want me to stay?"

I grip the door frame harder, to keep myself inside. " You...you have to go. There are rules. I...don't want to jeopardize my place here."

"Sure. Yeah. I get it. It's all good," he echoes my words with a playful grin. "I'm just glad to finally know."

"What's that?" I play along.

"That kissing you is fun. Kinda always thought it would be." His hazel eyes are smiling now, a joy that's been missing from him returned.

"Different time, different place..." Cliches are all I can muster right now.

All those fangirls aren't kidding. Leed is mind-blowing. And all I did was kiss him. I can't imagine...

No, I really can't imagine. I can't afford to. I can't deal. Not right now.

He rakes his hair again, "Life changes all the time, Ashlynn."

I swallow down his meaning, not wanting to think too much about it. I just nod in agreement.

He presses his palms together, fingertips to fingertips, and tips forward slightly, his eyes never leaving mine.

 He says, "I bow to the Divine in you." 

His voice is deep, rich, and real. The childlike, playful Leed is absent. That man right there in front of me...he's the old soul that hides deep down. The Yogi. The Lion. The King. 

And he's bowing to me.

That's when I realize, I might be in real trouble here.

I do the only thing I can do. I copy his movements—his hands, his slight bow. I copy the sentiment of his farewell, though I say it in the way everyone does, so it doesn't feel like...so much.

"Namaste, Leed."

He nods solemnly. Then he lopes up the path and is gone.

I throw myself down on the floor, completely overwhelmed by the way my body is thrumming. It's been so long since anything made me feel like this. I honestly didn't think I would ever feel this way again after my accident. Attracted to a man...in this way.

I thought that part of me was damaged...lost. Even Trace...even when he was being so great to me and I got confused and I sort of thought I loved him...I didn't want this. I had no real lust for him. For anyone. All those things I did for drugs...I could do because I felt nothing.

Wow. This is...crazy. Unusual. Unsettling. Uncomfortable.

I'm still lying there ten minutes later, breathing and trying to get my body back to normal, when my phone vibrates.I pull it from my waistband, and raise it above my face.

Leed: Can you do a sirsasana?

That's a headstand, a pretty advanced position.

Me: Still working on it.

Leed: Keep at it. Great for fading lust. Been standing on my head in the meditation garden for the past ten minutes. Island Lady told me to leave. She thinks I'm crazy.

The joyful, child-like Leed is back. Why I'm covering my mouth in a giggle, I don't know.

Me: You kinda are. But thanks for the advice. Don't forget mine.

Leed: I won't. You pressed it into my soul with those hugs.

I feel a tear slide down my temple. I want to tell him again how much his kindness, his care means to me, but after that kiss, I'm scared. Scared to go too deep.

Me: It was good to see your face.

Leed: Miss yours already. Take care of yourself, Sunshine.

Oh yeah. I think I'm in real trouble.

Well now, the Hippie Chic is alot different than the hurting, confused Ash we knew from EPIC, huh? I hope she continues to shine bright! We probably won't see her POV again until Tantric....