It's a cold universe

~ 1 ~

Milly's view:

Weeks pass and suddenly we are in the middle of January. Before Christmas I started to work again. I focussed so bad not thinking of Chris and Coldpaly at all. At the day, where he told me, that I maybe could take adventage from him, I ran as fast as I can home to my place to talk to my best friend, who came 10 minutes later. We talked about everything and I cried my eyes out. After that I swore myselve that I never trust someone like him again. With this sentence he broke my heart and my soul in 2 halves. Why in hell I have to fall in love with this man? Why? These are the same questions, which I asked me the most in this time. After this day I deleted every Coldplay song and every Coldplay pic I had on my phone. Also my phone cover I changed and took my transparent one. Maybe my phone doesn't look as good as before, but I felt better anyway.

Also after the holidays he wrote me a few times. In the first few weeks I just wanted to ignore his messages and calls but, than I just deleted his number. I just can't deal with the thing, that he sayed this to me. I mean, how in bloddy hell could I take adventage of him? Because I slept with him? Ok, maybe I did this but honestly it was the best thing what ever could have happened. I loved it! It was amazing! I did it, because I really loved him and because I saw more in his charakter than just the celebrity part. But right now I feel awfull about what I've done. I shouldn't had done this. I didn't talked with my mum about what happened between me and Chris. I just told her that we spent time together in the days before Christmas and that was it. I don't want, that my mum thinks too much about my problems. I just want to protect her.

Today is the 16th January and it's a very cold day outside. At 5 pm. I finally end my work in the Hard Rock Coffee store here in London, grab my bag and go outside in the freezing air. I pull my scarf tighter around my neck and close my jacket full. I walk through the white streets of London and try to mind the street where their music studio is. I don't want to face one of the boys at all. Of course Jonny, Will, Phil and Guy are not to blame, but I just want to avoid contact with Coldplay. As I finally arrive at my flat block and open the big door, the warm air from inside welcomed me immediately. I miss the summer so much! Fast as I can I walk upstairs to my flat. At the door I stop and search for the key. I lock the door and hop inside. Suddenly the old landline telephone, which my mum gave me 2 years ago, went on and played the missed calls and voice messages:

You received 3 new messages
BEEP

,,Milly? Hey it's Linda! I hope you doing well. I haven't heard from you for such a long time. Anyway just phone me when you have time. Love you, bestie. Kisses!¨

She's right. I haven't talked to her since new years eve. I need to do this later. I hope I won't forget as I always do. I know I'm such a bad friend!

,,Hey Camilla! I hope you haven't that much stress at work. I would love to see you as soon as possible! Love you my sweety!

Mom!She always calls me by my full name. She's also the only one, who is allowed to do this.
By the last one I stop doing anything what I done so far, because it was from him, again.

,,Hey....uhm....I guess you know who I'm so I don't have to explain it again. Uhm.......I just want to say it was a big mistake, that I sayed that. I just want to let you know you mean really a lot to me and I care about you. I want to apologise and maybe we can talk about everything. I was such an idiot. I will always love you Milly! I will always do that.

At this point the messages where over and I let a tear left my eye. I just can't meet him again. He broke my heart with those words. Sure he want to apologise himselve, but am I ready for this? For my ten yeard old self it would mean everything. But for my 27 years old self too? I don't know.
After I went to the bath, to wash myselve I sitt down in the living room, to watch some TV. Sadly they just beamed an old interview from Coldplay. This makes me to switch off the TV again. Why in hell I can't get him out of my mind! Blimely me! He stucks in my head every second since I left the Bakery. I miss him so much. Mabe he's right. Maybe it's not that bad to meet him again. What should I do?

Next I grab my phone to call my bestie:
,,Milly? Finally you phon me! I thought we have to hear each other in the next life.¨, she says as she takes up.
,,No, don't worry I'm here and alive!¨, I answer with fake smile on my face.
,,Have you heard anything from Chris or the boys ?¨, she asks curious.
,,Yes, sure! Chris....he leaves me messages every day. Sometimes I really like to destroy my fixed phone for that.¨, I add.
,,Well maybe he just want to apoogise. Maybe it's a good idea. After all he cares about you, otherwise he wouldn't do that.¨, she markes.
,,I know, but Linda. I just don't now what to do.¨, I say helpless.
,,Call him or write him a short message that you want to meet him. Nothing more! He'll try it¨, she says.
,,And you think it's a good idea?¨, I ask.
,,Do you like him?¨, she questions.
,,Yes.. I just can't believe what he done to me!¨, I add.
,,Well than you should meet him and tell him that!¨, she responds.
,,Ok..I hope you're right. Thank you!¨, I say.
,,I hope too and no problem. After the message or call please contact me again, I want to know how the story continous.¨, she markes.
,,I will. Thank you again! Bye!¨, I replie.
,,Bye!¨, Linda saysas she hang up.

After the call I choose the number of Chris and lead my hand carefully to my ear. Dear god please stand by my side!