Addicted to You

XIV

The next morning, Hermione came down to get herself some coffee; she had a headache from lack of sleep last night and was happily surprised that there was a pot already there for her. She was so preoccupied with her thoughts that she didn't notice at first that Snape was also there, waiting in the drawing room. She took her cup and went to him.

"How did you sleep last night?" she inquired, wondering whether he was up early since he couldn't get any sleep after she had woken him up in the middle of the night.

He took some time before answering. "I slept...well. In fact, I've been sleeping great for a while now. I meant to tell you. No dreams, no nightmares, no...fear."

"That's good, we're making progress." She took a tentative sip of coffee and smiled.

"I feel good. Better..." he added, "And not because of any drugs...but because of you."

She was surprised to hear him confess his gratitude and smiled a little bashfully. She was afraid after last night's snot-fest, his mockery would reach new heights, but maybe he acknowledged the sensitive nature of her problems enough to not make fun of her. He tried to return her smile and that's when she noticed something odd about him. The smile never reached his eyes, which looked rueful, like they were hiding a secret. She observed him clench and unclench his fist. He opened his mouth to speak and closed it again, tearing his eyes away from her. She followed his gaze to a trunk that had been stowed aside, near the door.

"Hermione...Ms.Granger, I wanted to- to thank you for everything..."

With a shock she realized this wasn't just a 'thank you'- it was goodbye.

"You're leaving?" She was stunned. "Now? After all that we've been through...?"

He gave her a furtive glance and was yet to think of what to say, when she further questioned, "Do you think that you're gonna be okay? You think you'll be safe? You're not."

She never thought he would come to the conclusion that him leaving would be the best solution to her problems, otherwise she would never have breathed a word about it to him. The way she had tearfully confessed how miserable she was, he was really made to question what bad consequences his presence had brought on her life.

"I don't care about safe. Never did." he said. "I'm just making your life worse."

"That's not true!" She stood up and started pacing, desperate to make him understand that he was wrong, he shouldn't take it all on him. "I messed up...some things got too much for me to handle, but it's me. Not you. I can still help you. Please... I'll try harder. Give us a chance."

"Listen," he sighed, "It's not about that. It's about what you're having to go through because of me. You don't have to deal with that- it's not your burden to bear. In order to help me, you've gone into a self-destructive mode. I can't let that happen...this can't go on forever-"

"Atleast give me time to arrange something, you can't just leave like that." She was depreciative of his propensity to act saintly, that was bordering on extremely self-sacrificial behaviour. "You're being crazy..."

"It's because I feel there's no way out..." he raised his voice. "I'm not a house pet, Granger."

"No one is saying that!"

"You've done so much for me already and I shouldn't be here anymore..."

"You don't get to decide that on your own."

He ran his hand through his hair in despair; maybe he should have just been the asshole he was known to be, and left without telling her anything. Maybe he shouldn't have tried to be nice. "I'm trying to protect you here..."