Addicted to You

XXIX

Snape was in the drawing room, aimlessly leafing through a book; the whole day he had tried to keep himself busy so as to not think about what kinds of trouble Hermione might be facing out there. He was beginning to worry, when he heard a slothful knock at the door. He almost flew across the room to answer it, but as soon as he opened the door, he saw Hermione's slacked shape in the dark and knew something was wrong. Her hands loosened their hold on the object she was carrying and the furry creature bounded past Snape; Crookshanks was happy to be home once again.

Snape quickly looked to her when he heard her sniffle and when she raised her chin, he saw her face was tear-streaked, upon one cheek there was a terrible bruise and her lip was cut and bleeding. It took him an instant to realize what had taken place and his blood boiled in sudden acrimony.

"I'll kill him!"

"Sev, no-"

"That bloody- swine!" He tried to rush past her in his rage, "How dare he?!"

"Severus please!" She caught the hem of his coat and clutched at him to make him stop. "Please...Don't go! I can't- I can't...I swear I'm gonna die..." Sobbing she sank to her knees, completely broken down. He saw the miserable state that she was in and decided to put his outrage on hold. He bundled up a crying Hermione in his arms and went straight to the bedroom.

He set her down on the bed and fetched some potions to apply on her. Her hysterical cries had stopped and the swelling and redness had been brought down considerably; he looked at her face afflicted, as he dabbed at her tender lip. She looked deplorable, silent tears still leaking out of her.

"It's my fault...it's all my fault..." she whispered under her breath.

"Don't do that, Hermione." he said with emphasis, "He had no right to hurt you-"

"I hurt him." she said, "I was way out of line. How could I say those things to him after- after what I did?"

He was still stewing the affront inside him but he could see that she was overcome with guilt and regret and he knew he had to take care of her at the moment, lest she collapsed. "Still, he shouldn't have hit you..." he grumbled.

"I deserve this..." she sulked.

"Hey, stop it. Okay?" he cupped her face and looked into her eyes, "Stop this. You didn't deserve any of that. You did the right thing by telling him and it got too much for him to handle. I wished it would've gone better but I understand if he chooses to hold a grudge against you. But that does not make his own actions right. If he can't cherish a woman it's his loss..."

She gazed up at his face and fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. He wiped them away and pulled her along with him to lay down on the bed. She hid her face in his chest and sobbed while he hugged her close and rocked her gently, shushing her cries.

"I didn't want to end things like this." she muttered, "I know I don't deserve his forgiveness, but I wish...I wish things could've been different..."

You know it's toxic when all they ever do is hurt you and all you ever do is forgive them, because you are helpless- this pain was better than losing them altogether. But Ron had accused Snape of being emotionless when he had been aloof to her while she had confined herself to demands, complaints and negligence, hoping that he'd realize that she too deserved to be loved, cared and valued. That she won't be taken for granted. She knew it was toxic but she didn't want to cut him out completely.

"He begged me...he begged me to stay." her voice broke into a hoarse rasp.

"I am...sorry." he whispered to her, having a hard time listening to her crying. It pained him greatly that she was hurting so bad and that he was partly, if not fully, responsible for it.