Cracks in the Spires

9: Away day

Jan slowed his steps letting Ben and Per draw ahead of him. It didn't surprise him that they failed to notice he was lagging behind. Right now all they wanted was each other. He felt a pang of envy as he watched them walking away hand in hand. Thirty or forty years from now and they'd be like Da and Heta, still together, still in love and still facing life with a sense of joy and adventure. He stifled a sigh wishing that he could have found that with Sol. He'd always put his failed relationships down to the fact that his half elite status was too low for Elite women to be interested in a serious relationship and too good a catch for UpCit women who saw him merely as a passport to the Elite enclave. Then he'd met Sol. She'd fallen for him and he couldn't fool himself that the break up was due to either of those comforting fictions because she'd known him only as Ben's feckless and penniless cousin. It was by far the longest relationship he'd ever had and he'd thrown it away. Once they'd settled in here things he'd thought quirky and endearing started to irritate him and sex became a boring routine. Maybe he should stop trying to find a special person and face the truth that he just wasn't the type to settle down. He'd be the last Lon Esta and the last Norin unless Ben outlived him. 

Laughing at himself for the morbid turn of his thoughts he started to walk back to his temporary living space in the tunnel but Per and Ben might have gone there rather than back to their room in the family compound. They'd want to be alone and at this time of day, assuming they weren't in the meeting room, both his father and grandparents would be likely to be there. Houses weren't any bigger than they needed to be and for good reason. His shoulders twitched involuntarily at the memory of the hard labour of digging out extra space to build rooms for themselves and Mik. Even though it had been a communal effort it was days of backbreaking slog and as for the laborious process of making the concrete for the foundation he shuddered at the thought. Smashing limestone, burning it, slaking it with water before powdering it and mixing it with gravel and sand had been an educational process that his body never wanted to repeat. Before they started work he'd had the idea of a spacious room like Da and Heta's with a separate sleeping compartment. Once they got going he'd been ready to settle for just enough space for a bed.

He stopped at one of the gallery's window openings taking in the view. The water of the lagoon shimmered in the heat and the reeds were already showing the first signs of browning. He frowned at the sight. Arn had no right to say what he said about them abandoning their work. They did understand the importance and the fragility of the ecosystem on which they depended. The birds they'd seen the night they'd finally found the fens had been a much rarer sight than any of them had appreciated at the time. It wasn't just humans that were clinging on by their fingertips out here, it was everything. The vast majority of people had been born here, had grown up absorbing the knowledge they needed to survive. It was hard to adapt but all four of them had done their best to learn and to understand. Perhaps most people agreed with Arn but were less forthright in saying that they were a burden rather than useful members of the community. He'd always thought they were welcome but now the fact that their compound was separated from the rest of the village by the track to the washhouse and jetty had a significance he'd failed to grasp. Uncle Var had a position of respect and was one of the leaders of the Council but what about the rest of them; even Da and Heta and Dad. How welcome were they really? He rested his head on his arms as an unexpected wave of anger at the place and the people washed over him. As quickly as it came it was gone. He sighed deeply. He was letting Arn mess with his head. It wasn't true that they were regarded as a burden. He hadn't picked up the slightest whiff of resentment from anyone but Arn. He suddenly wanted the company of his Dad.

Claude was sitting on the floor in his room repairing a section of the rush matting. He grunted in surprise as Jan enveloped him in a hug