Azalea Petals

nine

Their eyes were swollen. Their throats felt raw. Their tears have dried out.

Their hearts were fresh with scars.

Jimin's body has been relocated to a different room, leaving the bed he once layed on empty. The buckets of Azaleas that Jimin had vomited have been disposed of elsewhere.

Hoseok and Yoongi were left in the room, they who composed themselves after crying out a sea of hot and salty tears.

The atmosphere of silence had enveloped them for several minutes now. Neither of them spoke up. Hoseok wanted to say something to Yoongi, to talk to him, although the latter seemed to be lost in thought, he who was staring emptily down at nothing.

Hoseok understood why he was like that. Why Yoongi looked so pale and lifeless. Between the two, he was the one who was most affected by Jimin's death. Behind those devoided eyes, the latter was blaming himself for all of this.

Hoseok rolls his eyes downwards and fiddled with his fingers. The air was tensed and it wasn't the most comfortable—it wasn't uncomfortable either. Yet, it was also disturbing because they were still staying in the room where Jimin had died.

While Hoseok was worrying about his best friend, Yoongi was thinking about Jimin—and he just couldn't stop.

He had been replaying those memories inside his head. Memories of him and Jimin. Finally realizing how obvious the latter was.

He had been so obvious with his feelings towards him. The way he would smile at him was different from any other, his angelic smile would be as bright as the glowing sun. The way Jimin would look at him differently when he starts to talk about Hoseok. The way he would act differently around him, unlike before.

The way he would excuse himself, run to the restroom, and take a long time in there. It was because he was vomiting out those Azaleas. It all made sense now.

Why didn't he find out sooner? Why was he so oblivious of Jimin's feelings towards him?

Yoongi breathes out, and this catches Hoseok's attention. The elder, still seemed to be devoided of any emotion, spoke up. "I, I miss him."

Hoseok shifts his eyes to the ground, frowning, "I miss him too."

"I feel guilty. I still couldn't believe I'm the reason why he died."

"You didn't know that he loved you that way."

"Still." Yoongi looks down and sighs. "I would've probably felt a tremendous amount of guilt if he did confess to me much earlier."

Hoseok knits his eyebrows at him, trying to undersand what he meant by that, "why's that?"

Yoongi didn't reply immediately, as if he was still thinking about his answer. Although he wasn't, he already knew his answer yet, he was reluctant to say it, and his throat felt twisted just by thinking of it.

"I, I don't love him. Not in that way." When he thought all of his tears dried out, more of it started to come back, layering his eyes with those tears. "It hurts and, it's suffocating, to be honest." He lets out a sad sigh. "I always saw Jimin as a best friend, as a brother, and nothing more. So even if he did confess to me, I would've still rejected him. Even if I force myself that way, I couldn't do it. I cannot fake my emotions just for him, because he needs genuine emotions. Genuine love."

Hoseok doesn't reply. He pursed his lips, having no idea what he should say to him, or if he should say anything at all.

A tear came streaming down Yoongi's cheek. He immediately wiped it away with his arm, sniffling afterward.

"Why didn't he take the surgery?" Yoongi said with throat still dry. Hoseok glances at him then back at the ground.

"He didn't tell me." He admits. "But I think, I know it's because he loves you so much that he didn't want to let you go. He didn't want to lose all of his feelings of you. If the feelings die, then he will bring himself along with it. And that's what he did."

Yoongi briefly nods, finding this information hard to swallow. It was like he was getting hit by a truck in slow motion, the impact still being as strong as ever.

The air was filled with silence again. Yoongi decided to himself to keep it this way, at least for a little while. On the other hand, Hoseok debated with himself whether or not he should tell him.

He steals a quick glance at Yoongi and seeing how despondent he looked, he ends up telling him. That's what Jimin wanted him to do anyway.

"Do you know why he didn't confess sooner?"

Yoongi gradually looks at him, slowly shaking his head with a pout. "Why didn't he?"

"It's because he knew that even if he did, you would answer a no."

Yoongi's eyes widened, his heart was gradually getting louder and louder by the second, the nervousness building up inside of him.

Hoseok diverts his attention away from him, smiling. "I know that you like me Yoongi." He breathes out. "He told me everything, and he explained it. He wanted you to be happy and, I made a promise to him." His lips formed a frown, remembering the final promise he made to Jimin.

"I made a promise to him that I will take care of you. I promised him that I will love you with all my heart."

He turns his attention to Yoongi who had a shocked expression on his face. Hoseok stifled a laugh, instead, he smiles. "I love you too, Yoongi."

Yoongi, still in a shocked state, didn't immediately reply, still trying to let all of this information sink in. Hoseok wrapped his arms around Yoongi's shoulders and pulled him into a tight embrace.

Still, in the process of letting this sink in, he hugs Hoseok back, but his emotions were all mixed up.

Honestly, he was happy. He was really happy that Hoseok felt the same way towards him, that he loves him back, but even this couldn't heal the scar that was left in Yoongi's heart.

Even if he didn't love Jimin romantically, he still loved dearly. Jimin was like the brother he never had, he was the family member he ever needed. He loved him so much and now, he's gone. A part of himself was gone and this made his heartache.

He didn't feel like smiling, he just wanted to cry. He wanted to tear up at the reality that Jimin was no longer hear with him, that hanging out with him, talking to him was no longer possible. But then he remembered that Jimin wanted him to be happy. That is why he gave up his life, just so that he could be with Hoseok because he knew how much he loved him.

Jimin's smile, he thought of his smile and this did ease him a bit. Enough to let his anxiety rest aside for the meantime.

"I love you, Hoseok." He whispers in his ear, smiling afterward.

Yoongi looks up at the white ceiling, teary-eyed.

I love you too Jimin.

Thank you for everything.