Speechless

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

***One year ago***

Sitting at my mom's house, going over her paperwork for mom's personal business, her will, her insurance policies, waiting on my sister Vickie to get here. I am sitting at the table, my head in my hands fighting off the tears when I hear the front door. I wipe my eyes and stand to greet her and as soon as we hug, we both feel the tears start to fall. When we separate, we wipe our eyes and she says "Lydia, I want you to meet my friend Riz. He brought me here so I wouldn't have to ride alone." she tells me. "Riz, this is my sister, Lydia." she introduces us. "Nice to meet you Lydia. Sorry to hear about your mom." he tells me. "Thanks. Well, make yourself at home. Beer in the fridge, Jager in the freezer." I tell them and head back to the table. I start looking over the paperwork again and Vickie asks "What did you find?" I hand her one of the papers and say "I found her insurance policies and her will. We should have more than enough to bury her like she wanted. I called the funeral home and we have to be there at ten in the morning to work out the details and then we will see the lawyer tomorrow at three to go over the will." I tell her. She looks over the paperwork while I stare down at my hands on the table. "What happened?" Vickie asks. "They said it was a heart attack. Said her heart actually ruptured." I tell her as the tears start to fall again. I stand and excuse myself to the bathroom to get myself together. As I come back in, I head to the freezer and take the Jager out and take a long pull from it. "Shit." Vickie says. "I need this Vic." I say. "I know. Just don't get sick." she tells me and I nod. I spend the rest of the night taking shots with my sister and her friend.

I wake up the next morning to find aspirin and water beside the bed. I take the pills and down the water before heading to the kitchen to find Riz and Vickie up already. Riz hands me a cup of coffee and I say "Thanks. Whoever put the pills and water beside my bed, thank you." Riz looks at me and says "You're welcome." I sit at the table and say "We have to be at the funeral home in an hour." as I look down at my coffee. "You going to be able to handle this?" she asks. "Honestly, I don't know but I know it has to be done." I tell her. "Vickie said you two are sisters. Where's your dad in all this?" Riz asks. "We have different dads. Hers bailed when she was little and mine died about ten years ago but he wasn't much better than hers." I tell him and he nods his understanding. "Now it's just me and Lydia." Vickie says. I move to the bedroom to get dressed and Vickie and Riz stayed in the two spare rooms. I hear Riz ask "Is she going to be okay?" Vickie responds "I don't know. Her and mom were a lot closer than we were. She didn't approve of what I did for a living but Lydia never judged me." Vickie tells him before I close the door.

We go to the funeral home and then to the lawyer to get everything done and when we get home, I sit out on the back steps. After a little bit, I hear the door open and I quickly wipe my eyes. Riz sits beside me and hands me a cup of coffee. "Thanks." I say as I take the cup. "You know, I lost my mom when I was eighteen. She was all I had until I joined the MC. You're sister is mi familia. That makes you mi familia. I'm here for you too." he says. I look at him and realize just how nice looking he is and he is being sweet. "Thanks Riz. I just feel so lost. When shit started getting to me, it was her that I went to for insight, you know? Now that she's gone, I gotta figure shit out on my own." I tell him. "I know how that feels. Feeling lost sucks. You just gotta find your center. Find your purpose again." he tells me and I nod. I look out at the yard and ask "How did you do it?" He looks at me and says "That was when I joined the MC. Having the brotherhood helps." I shake my head. "When I go back to Tennessee, it's just me." I tell him. "You don't have an old man out there waiting on you?" he asks. "Nah. I work too much. When you work sixteen hour days, you don't have much time to really have a personal life." I tell him. "So you have no one out there?" he asks. "No. I work and go home. Hell, before I moved to Tennessee, I used to go out and sing karaoke all the time. Hung out with friends. All of it. I had fun. Now, I work and that's it." I tell him. "Why don't you move here? Or with your sister?" he asks. "Mom doesn't own the house. I'll have to clear the house. I was thinking about letting them have the furniture and donate her clothes, pack up her pictures and things like that. I gotta get a small moving trailer to put it all in. Shit. I have so much to fucking do." I say and the tears start falling again. Riz pulls me to him and just holds me while I cry.

When I finally get myself together, I say "I'm sorry. Shit. I'm so fucking stressed out." He looks at me and says "You have a lot of shit on your plate. It's okay to be lean on someone when you need it." he says. "Yeah but you don't even know me and you're being more supportive than anyone else has. I told my boss I needed to come out here because my mom died and her response was 'You can have a week but when you come back you have to work overtime.' It's not like I don't work overtime as it is." I say. "Why do you do it?" he asks. "I've been trying to put money in savings to buy a house." I tell him. "Nothing wrong with that but you gotta make time for yourself." he tells me as he puts his hand on my back and rubs it supportively. I hear the door open and Vickie says "Dinner's done." I nod and when Riz stands up, he holds out his hand to help me up and he follows me into the house.

It's been a couple of days and we have had mom's funeral. We are sitting around the house and have all of her things packed up that I am taking and in the back of my car and the rest of the things are in the van that Vickie and Riz came here in. We decided to take a cab and head out on the town so that we can relax now that everything is done. We get ready and head out and are sitting at a bar having drinks. "So, what kind of work do you do?" Riz asks. "I am an administrative assistant for a lawyer's office and I hate it." I say. "Why do you stay?" Vickie asks. "The money. I need the money." I tell her and she nods. We go on talking and by the time the night is done, we are all feeling really good. We hail a cab to head home for the night.

Waking up the next morning, I feel an arm across me. Looking down, I see my hand on his arm and see a ring on my left ring finger. What the hell? I see a matching ring on his and I slip out of the bed without waking him. I look over and see a piece of paper on the nightstand. I look at it and see it's a marriage license. Shit. What the hell did I do? I look at the bed and see him lying there still sleeping. I quietly grab my clothes and put them on, grab my toiletry bag and head out the door as quietly as possible. I get in my car and head back to Tennessee without telling anyone goodbye. I head back home and back to my miserable life.