should've said something | shyland

Prologue

He couldn't watch this happen.

Or, at least, he didn't want to watch this happen. He would, because this was his best friend of nearly twenty years, and he couldn't let Shane down, even though the words in the pit of his stomach were attempting to find a way to crawl out of his throat. He knew he should be happy for Shane, as his best friend, but the love of his life was getting married to somebody who wasn't him, and not even he could manage to find the silver lining in that one.

"Can I ask you a question?"

Shane motioned for him to continue, his eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he used the mirror to fasten his tie. Ryland wanted to reach over and run his hand down Shane's chest, but he knew it would most likely be inappropriate, considering Shane didn't know how he felt about him. And, it wasn't Shane's fault. He had countless opportunities to tell Shane how he felt, but they were always too young, or Shane was already in a relationship, or something got in the way – like his sexuality.

"Does she make you happy?"

Shane grinned, "Yeah, she really does."

"Oh," Ryland knew his heart was cracking, but in that moment, he was sure it broke in half. He should have said something sooner, he knew, but then again, if Shane had felt the same way about him, he would never have asked Lisa to marry him. "I'm happy for you, Shane."

"Thank you for being my Best Man," Shane clapped him on the back. "I know Garrett wanted the title, but I wanted to pick you. We've been through a lot together, you know?"

Oh, he knew.

As if on cue, the door opened and Garrett quietly slipped inside. Ryland was grateful for the distraction, and he moved toward Garrett, feeling as though he'd break down if he were near Shane for another minute longer. Luckily, Shane didn't seem to notice, adjusting his collar once more and reaching up to play with the ends of his hair.

"How do I look?"

Garrett answered when Ryland couldn't, "Amazing."

"Really?" Shane asked. "I feel like I look huge. God, this is why I don't wear suits, but I wanted to seem like I looked okay enough to call her my wife. I can't believe—I mean, it doesn't get better than her, and I'll never be able to live up to how amazing she is, but I'll spend the rest of my life trying."

If his heart wasn't broken before, it sure was now.

"Well," Garrett smiled, but it seemed forced. "They're ready for you, so you may want to make your way out there, and in a few minutes, you'll get to see your beautiful bride. Andrew's waiting at the front."

"Perfect."

Shane slid past Ryland, and Ryland was about to follow, as he was the Best Man, but Garrett grabbed onto his arm and pulled him back. Ryland furrowed his eyebrows, looking up at the taller man, and Garrett smiled sadly. "How are you doing with all of this, Ry?"

"It's weird," Ryland admitted with a shaky breath, trying not to break down and cry. "We've been best friends since we were little, we've done practically everything together, I know him better than I know myself, but I never thought the best day of his life would turn out to be the worst day of mine."

••• // •••

He shouldn't have been doing this.

Shane's eyes were sparkling as he looked at Lisa, and Ryland knew he couldn't do this, couldn't stand next to his best friend and watch him live the life they were supposed to have with somebody else. He was angry that he had been there through everything Shane had gone through, his struggles with not knowing who he was, his depression and anxiety, his eating disorder, the situation with his dad, an entire fifteen years longer than Lisa had, and yet, he was marrying her.

But, Shane was still oblivious, grinning wildly as his bride walked down the aisle to the sound of the wedding march playing through the organ. Garrett nudged Ryland, giving him a sympathetic look, and Ryland wished he could leave the church and never look back. Still, even though his heart was beyond repair, he knew he couldn't leave without offering his best friend an explanation, and so, he stayed.

Though, maybe he shouldn't have. The words he had been trying so hard to shove down were making their way up his throat, clawing at his insides, and he needed to get them out before he passed out. He forced a smile as Lisa's father gave her away to Shane, and as Shane grabbed onto Lisa's hand and pulled her onto the alter, the words came spilling out of him like vomit.

"...Shane?"

Shane slowly turned around, like he couldn't believe Ryland was trying to talk to him while his wedding was happening, and honestly, he couldn't believe himself, but he knew if he didn't say the words now, he'd never have the chance to. His lip quivered, and Shane raised an eyebrow, his unamused expression telling Ryland he was already angry, and was going to make it known when the wedding was over, but Ryland didn't know if their friendship would survive that long.

"You can't marry her."

Okay, Ryland, straight to the point.

"What the fuck are you—"

He watched as Lisa frowned, her eyes filled with confusion as she stared at her fiancé's best friend, because she thought her and Ryland were friends. He watched as Shane grew angrier, his face the color of a tomato and his fists dropping to his sides so he could clench them, not wanting to hurt Lisa. He watched as he said what he had been dying to say for well over ten years, but not like this.

"You can't, Shane, because I'm in love with you."