A Beautiful Mess

37||Letting Go

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I had stayed true to my words and spent the day with Carter. As painful as it was though, I knew that I couldn't stay with him any longer because it's a dangerous things when old feelings rekindle and reconnect. Aunt Linda and Doug came by and they promised me that would stay with him and keep me informed of his progress.

"Promise me that you'll take care of yourself Cart?" I said as I sat beside him on the bed.
He slowly nodded as he moved to embrace me.

"And please promise me Mara that you'll take care of yourself."

"I promise", I smiled as I gave him a final embrace and a kiss on the cheek.

Over the course of yesterday, Carter and I had a long talk about where we stand in each other's lives. We couldn't deny the obvious history that we shared but we came to the realization that it is what it is and we needed to both let go. Sometimes history just isn't enough. It makes no sense you try to make something work with someone because of a past you shared. There comes a time when you just have to let go and realize that by trying to hold on, you're only causing yourself more pain.

I also knew that letting go and moving on wouldn't just happen in an instant, but this was something I was willing to give myself over to. I was willing to try. For the sake of love and happiness, I was willing to try.

...

Aunt Karen gave me a ride back to Hilshire. Undoubtedly, I was beyond exhausted. As soon as I entered the house, I quickly took off my shoes and bolted for the bedroom. The last time I was here, I was packing for a road trip. A road trip that I should have been on with Elijah. Elijah. Oh boy, I really had some explaining to do.

I sat in bed cross-legged and buried my face in my hands. I took my phone from out of my bag and sighed when I saw Elijah and I's photo lighting up my lock screen.

I stared at the phone in my hand for what seemed like hours. I hadn't even realized that my eyes were watery until I saw a tear splash against the screen protector of my room.

I quickly realized that there was something that I needed to do and I needed to do it today.

I got out of bed and headed to the bathroom to have a quick shower. After showering, I quickly changed my clothes, picked up my car keys and left.

I drove until I saw the huge cream and gold house in the distance. As I pulled up to the black gates, I realized that I should have probably called Elijah first. I took my chances however and pressed the buzzer at the gate.

"Who is it?" an almost mechanical voice resounded through the intercom.

"Uhm, it's Xiomara. A friend of Elijah's" I answered.

"Xiomara Winter. Of course, of course! Come on through."

I drove in as the gates opened. As I was parking the car, I saw Elijah outside on the basketball court running around with the ball in his hand.

He turned to look in my direction with knitted eyebrows when he heard the sound of the engine. From where I was, I could see how his face lit up when he realized that it was me. He quickly threw the ball to the side and ran to meet me.

My face mimicked his as I shut the engine off and stepped out of the car.

"Babygirl!" he exclaimed as he finally reached to where I was and scooped me in his arms. I had definitely missed this feeling. This warmth that coursed through me whenever I was in his arms.

"God, I missed you so much", he said as he nuzzled his head in the crook of my neck.

"I missed you too Eli" I replied as I wrapped my arms around his neck. We stood there for what felt like hours, just holding each other.