Sasha Fierce. (G!P)

V.

    just because beyoncé gave us an update
-Emeraude

      I watched as a fresh tear fell from her dark eyes. In them I saw the kind of fear I tried to hide from for the better part of my life. See a woman who's as bad as me, a woman who's done as much wrong as me has had her own fair share of thing's she's afraid of in life.

Watching those tears she shed, not even knowing her story or what she had went through in life made me want to pick her up off the ground and cradle her. I wanted to tell her everything would be okay. That I had lied, and that I was going to do everything I could to save her from the evilness that was me, but even I knew that was lie.

You couldn't put someone like her in front of me and not expect me to consume her. To suck every ounce of good out of her. Once I was done I would spit her back out into the world, a darker, grittier version of herself.

"Save the tears for someone else," I growled, angrier at myself than I was at her. She looked defeated, like a dog that had begged for attention over and over again and in turn still remained neglected.

"You're heartless!" She screamed at me, and I knew what she was saying was true. There was no truer statement than that one, and even though I didn't want to continue to break her down I had an image to uphold. I had to make sure she understood where her place was with me.

"You knew that the moment I killed that man right in front of you. Don't act like you didn't," I responded, now agitated and uncaring to her emotions. I needed a drink. A loud sob escaped her lips, and it took everything in me not to turn around and say something to make it better. Grabbing the whiskey off the dresser, I went back over to the bed and stepped right over her sobbing frame. Twisting the cap off the bottle, I allowed the aroma of the whiskey to take over my body. This was the closest to warming my heart that I could get.

"I've been through this once in my life. Don't make me do it again." Her voice was a plea that resonated deep within me. Old wounds were being torn open. The very wounds that made me start this job.

"That's what life is all about..." I wasn't even sure what I was trying to say. Instead I poured some whiskey into my mouth, allowing the burning feeling to enter my throat, invading my senses. As soon as the liquid hit my belly, I felt the warmth cascade through me.

"What do you know about life, Beyoncé? You kill people for a living. You rip life from people. You know nothing... You think you're better than me? Than them? You're not better than anyone. If anything this only proves that you are less." My mind was a mess as I listened to her words rip me apart, yet the one thing that stuck out to me most was the fact that she had said them.

"Them?" I couldn't hide the irritation from my words. I felt like she was hiding something from me, which given that we didn't know one another meant it could be anything.

She wiped the tear streaks from the apple of her cheeks with her nose wrinkled up at me. "That's the thing about you and me. I'm running from my past, and you're living in it." Her words didn't make much, if not any sense to me, so I took another swig of whiskey and blocked the last comment from her mouth out of my head.

"I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear you talk to me like you know one motherfucking thing about me!" My emotions were on edge, one moment I felt secure, and the next I felt like a grenade that had just been sent into the air.

It's her. My mind was caught in a place between Onika and my sister. One I could still save, and the other I couldn't. I didn't need my mind to tell me that. I knew it. I could feel the shift in the air that she had caused. I needed to end this and end it now.

"How rich, yet you can pretend to know me..." She seemed determined to have me kill her as if it was on top of her bucket list or something. I needed to find a way to shut her up, just so I could get my mind back to a place that I could handle. An unstable Beyoncé had the power to bring everyone in this city down.

Without hesitation, I placed the bottle on the ground. She was still bound which meant this would make the struggle all the more less.

I took a step towards her, with her hands and feet bound she was unable to move away from me. The fear in her eyes spiked, causing my insides to roll. Oh how I wanted to take that fear and crush it into a million little pieces.

"I need you to shut up. I need to get you out of my head, and because of that I'm sorry." I could see the confusion forming in her eyes as I dropped down to my knees, my hands going straight to her throat. I needed to cut off her air supply. I needed to shut her the fuck up, and the only way I knew how was to put her out. As soon as she realized what was taking place she gasped, a breathy no falling from her plump lips.

"It's better this way." I tightened my hold, her eyes filling with tears as I applied more pressure waiting for her eyes to drift closed. There was no struggle. It was simply as if she was giving herself over to me. As if she had finally come to the fact that there was no getting out of this alive. With her eyes closed, I released her; not wanting to kill her, but simply wanting to sedate her.

My heart was beating out of my chest as I shuffled away from her body. I didn't stop until my back hit the edge of my bed, and then I found the bottle of whiskey I had placed on the floor.

I drank it, gulp by gulp. Not caring that I would have a raging hangover tomorrow. No, nothing mattered. Not as much as finding that warmth and losing myself in it.

I might not know Onika that well, but I knew something about both of us. We were yearning for the one thing neither of us could possibly have.

Warmth.
Compassion.
Love.