What We Could Have Been (EN version)

Chapter 1

We all live complicated break ups. Mine was the one with my ex and first love, Nathan. Years passed by but he stayed my most complicated break up. He was my first love, my first kiss, my first everything, making it quite hard to forget him. When we broke up, my mother told me that I'll never forget the pain, but I'll learn to live with it . She told me I could use this pain and turn it into something positive. Use it to grow up. She was right, and I was too young to understand. 
Now I understand what she meant. The pain from the past can be used to create beautiful things if we use it the right way. 

Laying there on my bed, I don't really realize that it's exactly what I did. Or maybe I do. Writing was my way to express myself. I always had a problem with expressing feelings, but I could perfectly write them down. I started writing way long before meeting Nathan, but I have to admit that our relationship may have influenced my writing more than I can see it. I can still hear him asking what I was writing all the time in my notebook. If only he knew.

I look at the book in my hands one last time. I can't believe it's real. That I wrote my own book, and that it'll be out tomorrow. Maybe I should cancel everything. I mean, who would wanna read this story ? No one gives a damn about it. My best friend's words comes back in my mind « You didn't started writing to have success, but because you loved it! And when you do something with your heart, it can never be wrong. » After all she's not wrong. It has already been good and positive for me to write this book, somehow it ended up being my therapy. Anyways, it's 2am everyone's asleep so I can't really cancel anything. 

I fall asleep nostalgic and anxious, thinking about this story so personal to me that I'm about to share with the world. A part of me is scared he'll find out about it. Sabrina told me it was impossible because there's no way he'll ever get in a library or a book store and she's not wrong. At least not on his own, but there's always a risk.

The next day, I'm waken up by Sabrina slamming the door. I jump, scared to be trapped in an old memory. I'm reassured to see my room when I open my eyes. I get up and go to the kitchen. I start making coffee when Sabrina enters the room. The smell of coffee fill the room, she opens the window. Sabrina doesn't like coffee, she preferes hot chocolat. She smiles before giving me a little bag. I open it and find a croissant.

"You went to the bakery ?" I ask surprised.

"Yeah today's a special day ! " she says.

I'm surprised. Sabrina rarely wakes up before lunch, and she never goes to the bakery. To be honest, she does wake up early , just not when she has nothing to do or nowhere to be. She hates morning. 

As usual, we take breakfast, watching tv. We usually watch cartoons, even though we're not kids anymore. Wtaching the news is not a good way to start the day, it's too depressing. This is how we discovered my ex became a profesional basketball player. It was a cold November morning. Sabrina made me get out of bed, so I moved in the couch. Wrapped in my covers, I was drinking coffee when his picture appeared on the screen. Almost right away, Sabrina tried to change the channel, but the remote wasn't cooperating. I tried faking it, looking like I was alright, but it wasn't how I felt. A part of me was happy he realized his dream, but another part of me was just angry against the boy who broke my heart. We went through too much for me to forget him that easily. Seeing his picture did something to me. I felt like seeing someone I knew in a stranger's life. It was just weird. Ever since that incident, we always have some battery for the remote. Sabrina even downloaded the remote app on her phone, just in case. That day we agreed that we should watch something else than the news in the morning. If we had to learn about something on the news, it would be better once we're awake, after breafast. 

After breakfast, I go to the shower while my best friend's getting ready. I can hear her singing while she's doing her makeup. I put on blue jeans and a shirt with pink and white stripes. I bought this shirt next week with Sabrina. We both agreed that I should wear something else than my usual sweatshirt. I always had a comfy kind of style, sweatshirts, sneakers. Of course when I felt like it, I'd wear a dress and heels, but most of the time, I'm feeling like wearing a comfortable sweat and my favorite sneakers. I guess that's why Sabrina's surprised when I comeback in the living room with this shirt.