I Met A Badboy At Waitrose... And Now He's My Boyfriend

A very innocent PG trip to waitrose

I felt myself falling... into the darkness.
And suddenly, i was not in the chest freezer anymore.
I had thrust myself too hard but through the vast darkness, my body could not stop thrusting. How long would i be-

THUD

A stripper loomed over me. I glanced up at her face but what i saw was the stange jutting out of her jugs, in awkwardness i averted my orbs downwards and i found them resting upon the large amassing  of shiny gloss effect thigh which appeared to lay before me. I heard her suggestive voice "are you ok?" "Bitch, i just want my onion suprise!" I said sarcastically, through my mild concussion. I pushed past her and as i sauntered forward i thrusted my chest to set my body's course to the bar.

As i approached the bar i saw a large blue male with a slightly unimpressive chiseled grecian nose. He had a question mark on his chest and carried a flag with the numbers 938* on it, which were also on his name tag. "Can i have an onion surprise please 938" i wondered out loud.

As i sipped the pungent tear-inducing whisky i was struck by a sudden aromatic flavour layered upon sharpness. I put my essential Waitrose vegan oven chips down on the counter and carried my onion surprise with me. I peered around the room. In the middle there was a pole dancer and around her some strippers performing provocative floor work.
One was squatting and through her legs i thought i caught a glimpse of a familiar face. I looked back in shock but she was no longer squatting and i could not se..............

I slowly sipped my sirprise once more. As i sipped the pungent tear-inducing whisky i was struck by a sudden aromatic flavour layered upon sharpness. Something hard bobbed against my lips but it was too dark to see what it was.
My thoughts began to wonder back to...
Back to him.
The mysterious figure i saw between those vast expanses of thigh (not the ones from the first stripper, the thighs of the one i am referring to here had rather matte thighs, but still a vast expanse nonetheless.)

No.
I didn't want to think about it.
I didnt want to think about him.

All of a sudden, there was a loud
"BANG"
From outside. Before I could begin to process what was happening, blue and red lights began to fill the room.

"MI2456 OPEN UP THIS IA AN ILLEGAL STIP CLUB YOU DONT HAVE A LICENSE I WISH YOU DID THO BECAUSE HOT DAMN THOSE THIGHS..."
A policeman commented as he thrust through the door. I could only think of one thing: i had to hide.

I tore out of the room, my orbs scanning for a place to hide.

Eventually, I saw it. A small cupboard,  easily big enough for me to stand in.

I strolled over to it, my heart pounding in my chest. As I enered the cupboard, I heard a small gasp.

I wasnt the ome who gasped.
And if it wasnt me, then who was it?

With the cupboard door closed behind me, I realised my face was pressed into a warm, soft jumper. (It was also in this moment I had reakised that I no longer had my essential Waitrose vegan oven chips. I guess i could not have them for my dinner). I inhaled. It smelt of honey and woodsmoke. I looked up, to see this stranger and who they were, but on the way up my swirling ink pools of blackness drifted over a large sphere in my drink. I looked back in shock and would vastly change my outlook upon life forever. 'Twas an onion. Oh crikey what a surprise!

I continued my gaze upwards. As soon as my orbs detected those...
Those glasses...
That.....
That hat....
The memories came flooding back.