Everything We Never Tell

T H I R T E E N

Well, I had a friend who was a guy and we had been friends since the beginning of eighth grade - he was one of the first people I actually met since I was new there. He told me he liked me and asked me to the end-of-year dance and I accepted since,
why not? It was probably one of my worst mistakes. Everything was fine and we remained friends through the constant teasing from the rest of our friend group. Anyways, summer break came and I had hung out with him and his family every once in a while during those few months, and when we came back to school, nothing had changed.

Now that we were in high-school, he saw that as a "I'm okay if I make a bigger move" it seemed. We had a long talk about relationships and futures and such and I told him clearly that I would not consider boyfriend-girlfriend relationship until I was at least 16 - that was always my limit and I was not about to change it. He told me he was OK with waiting and hoped we could make it happen. A bit later he asked why 16 was my limit and I told him quite plainly why, no sugar-coating added. He kinda freaked and reassured me my worries were for naught. I still said no.

So, a few weeks went by and our friends started making stronger comments and jokes and the guy acted like it was encouragement and started trying to push me. I refused. He kept trying.
I still refused. Then, he apparently felt like he needed to shove it on me harder and told me through personal email (he always did it personally because he didn't want to get in trouble with the school) that he deserved more respect from me. I berated him that we were just friends and I was NOT interested. We talked through it.

We continued to talk through his problems and I gave him advice for normal things as well, but he kept trying to push it and question my reasons. He always quieted when I refused. Well, then a bit later Homecoming came and he asked me with flair and of course half the school just HAD to see. I was embarrassed and he told me that I didn't need to be. It was just one time he tried to get me to not be bothered by people.

Life went by, we went to the dance, everything was fine. But after the dance he started getting serious. He told me that he felt like he was a puppet bowing to my every wish, which got me mad. Since when had I ever told him to do anything? He was the one to devote. We had a fight over that.

Mild things like that built up and he kept telling me he loved me and such, until he complained that I never said it back and I had to re-explain my reasons. Then, one day he told me tons of stuff that made me super angry and frustrated. He told me that the reason I was refusing him was because I was pregnant with another guy's baby and told my friend behind my back, and that's why I was gone for an hour during a different dance despite the fact that I left with my best friend who is a GIRL and was talking through some things I was struggling with that hit me hard that day.

He said he was afraid I was going to be an alcoholic, that he used to like my best friend (I honestly have zero idea why he said that), the puppet thing came back up, he told me "Don't you dare say "but we aren't in a relationship", Don't deny that or take that away from me, I make jokes and exaggerate a lot. So get used to that, etc." He said a lot more things and he kept trying to control me. He even tried to control what I SAID.

"No guy will ever treat you as good as me. I bet they have bad things in mind" and such.
He was such a hypocrite. He would tell me to do things and I would demand things from me and then he would ask me to stay calm. But after that, my mom found and out and he stopped talking to me.

-toxicity, anonymous #11.

P.S. this was written by the person himself / herself.