Just Some Short Stories

Midnight thoughts (non-fiction)

I know i haven't been here for a long long time, i'm sorry. 

I just have way too much going on in my life right now. 

so here is a thought i had last night: 

idk what hurts worse:

that people take me for granted and i help them even though i am in so much emotional pain, all i get back are one word replies even though i will sit there and listen to them for hours, giving advice when needed

or

that i know the people that take me for granted and give me one word replies are willing to listen to other people and have actual conversations with them, and treat them like actual human beings, giving them advice/ being a good friend

they don't even notice the one who needs the most help is the one with the fake smile on her face. the girl who is willing to risk her emotional and mental well-being just to make sure that you are okay. No matter how many times I scream for help everyone just hears it as a ghost like whisper that gets carried away in the wind.

sometimes i just want to walk away from everyone and say that i'm done. I'm done with the one word replies, everyone just throwing me to the sideline. I'm done with all the pain that i go through. But i can't. 

I can't walk away. I can't say goodbye. 

Cause sometimes there are the good moments, where they actually have a conversation with me. And all the pain i was feeling goes away even if it only for a little bit. 

I can't walk away, i care too much for the people who don't give a damn about me. 

I will always be there for them. I'll be the shoulder they need to cry on when things get bad. I'll be the person they rant to in an angry fit when things don't go their way. I'll talk to them when they are having a really bad dip of depression. 

I will always be there until they find someone more worth their time. When they find someone who doesn't have half the problems i have. Someone who is normal. 

And it is going to destroy me, but i don't honestly care. 

As long as they get out okay, it will be worth it.