Just Some Short Stories

Confessions of a Broken Girl Pt 2 (non-fiction)

It has been a few weeks. I am once again lying in bed. 

Today was a good day. I got in touch with friends that I thought I lost. I talked to them for hours on end. 

A few days ago was pretty bed though. My now ex best friend, Kayra, came over to my house while slightly buzzed and so I have decided to cut her out of my life. She has made many horrible decisions the past few weeks. She can't even stay clean for 2 weeks, so a lot of her friends are cutting her out. 

So now, my ex boyfriend, Isaiah, is my best friend. Which i guess is a little strange. I can manage though, he knows that i love him and i have come to terms he won't feel the same way again. He used to be really good friends with Kayra too. Until she decided to talk badly about his girlfriend. 

She did while she was over at my house too, hoping i was harboring some kind of resentment towards her. And after some long hard thinking, i have come to the conclusion, i only ever disliked her because of Kayra, other than that i had no problems with her. 

I mean the girl made Isaiah happy, who am i to be upset with that. 

Okay, but what if he leaves you...again?  That stupid voice pesters. 

"He won't we have talked about everything. I am good now." I retort.

Yeah keep telling that to yourself honey and maybe one day it will come true, you are forgetting, me, your little depression has morphed into bpd so i would like to see you try and be good with everyone . It hisses with acid. What the voice said is true, over the past few months my depression has changed. I think it was due to the fact everyone i care about in my life was stripped away. I show all the symptoms of it. It sucks. 

"I don't listen to you anymore, you are becoming weaker by the hour."

That doesn't mean i don't have an effect on you. They will leave, i will come back, the only one here to comfort you. 

"I've talked to my parents, they are cool with them. Sure now all of my friends are guys but they don't mind at all," I fire back with more power than i thought i had. 

Whatever, but when you come crying back to me because your little boys broke your idiotic heart, i will say i told you so.

I won. I actually won.

I never win against the beast in my head. 

I am actually genuinely happy now.  I have good people in my life. Friends that i know won't leave me or manipulate me over something stupid. I know these people actually care for me. Now i'm not saying Kayra didn't care for me. She did, but she was very manipulative.

 She tried to validate her feelings by making me feel the same way against something, now when that did happen it was always fake, but i would never tell her that. She tried to get me away from Isaiah for the pettiest things. Like he called her a bitch.

 So what get over it, he has called you it before, hell a lot of people have called her that before and she just brushes it off, but because she believes Isaiah screwed her over for his girlfriend (who by the way is very insecure) when in reality he just didn't have enough time to spend with both so he chose the girl he was dating, over the girl who was like a motherly figure in his life. He has a mom. He doesn't need another one. His mom is the sweetest lady ever. 

He knows where I stand and i am one loyal hoe, and he is a loyal hoe too. We are ride or die for each other, i think we knew that the moment we saw each other. Now i am a part of his little guy group, I am the only girl, this should be fun. 

This broken girl is slowly becoming mended. 

And i can't wait to see the out come.