Don't Leave Us (Book Three in the Don't Leave Series) (Watty Awards 2014)

Chapter Eleven: Welcome To Your Life

Chpater 11

Mitch didn't come over for a few more days after Reegan had her child and left him for good. She hadn't spoke to me in a week and hadn't told Mitch the baby's name.

Ribbon was the newest addition to our family and I knew I would never get to see her.

Phoenix was now living with Adam and Alesa because Adam thought Phoenix looked so much like Tyler and he adored Tyler with all his heart. Now that Phoenix was living with them, I didn't mind so much. I wanted Mitch, but I didn't know if Phoenix would get in the way or not.

Which is why Adam took him in.

I've been having feelings in my arms, my neck, my wrists. I felt as if I needed to let something out, like something was eating my flesh from the inside out. I was dying in my own body and I didn't know it. 

I needed to make the best out of every day because tomorrow, the world could be totally different. I hate that this is the way our lives turned out. Mitch and I could still be making videos, he would be with Rebecca, Mat and Sadie would still be living, Tyler would still be alive and with Shelby, Chris would find someone else to hold, and I wouldn't have been so damn stupid to think that it would be that easy.

I want to die.

If life was meant to live, why were we put up with so many challenges in our lives. What the hell? I can't take it anymore. I need out, I want to bail. 

I need to go.

I decided I was going to go tonight. With a bottle of pills and some liquor, I'd be dead before you know it. I needed to write the note before I let myself go away. I quickly scrambled to find paper and a pen, throwing them on the table in front of me as a tear streamed down my face. I picked up the pen, placing it on the paper.

I contemplated on what I wanted to write, but then it hit me.

I needed to write to Mitch.

Mitch

If you're reading this, you've either found me, or someone gave you this note. I want you to know this isn't your fault. I have been contemplating this off and on since Mat's death, but never decided on doing it until Tyler and Chris died. I can't take it anymore.

I'm so sorry, Mitch. I love you with everything I have and I now know that it was you that I was meant to be with. Mat was wonderful and I loved him so much but I love you even more than words can describe. 

But you have to let me go now.

I'm gone now, Mitch. I was your best friend and I wanted to be your love but you went with Reegan and I found it unfair. You should've been with someone your age, but that's not my choice to decide. You can still be happy with her, if you try hard enough. 

I'm so sorry...

-Jerome xx

I stopped the pen movements and set it down. I picked up the paper, went to the kitchen to get alcohol and pills, and made my way to the bathroom upstairs. I found a razor to help speed up the process of me dying and I slit my wrists. 

I quickly downed the pills and alcohol and layed on the floor until darkness surrounded me and I felt nothing.

I was dead.