Core beliefs *Thor x Loki*

Shame

This is the song that I used to get in the mood so I can write this chapter (up there, hope you can see it and open it).

...And I've moved further than I thought I could
But I missed you more than I thought I would
And I'll use you as a warning sign
That if you talk enough sense then you'll lose your mind

And I found love where it wasn't supposed to be

Right in front of me

Talk some sense to me...

That's my fav part and it really reminds me of this chapter.  Okay, now the story:

Dinner started a little bit earlier than usual. Some of their guests will go back to their homes after dinner so Tony and Steve thought that it's better for everyone if they don't travel late tonight. As Loki was walking down the stairs he could hear laugh and chatter. Loki was anxious. More than that. He was trembling, bathing in anxiety. He took a deep breath and entered the room.

-Hey, Mr. Loki.- he heard Peter's delighted voice.

-Hey, Peter. Hi, Wade.- he smiled and hugged both of them, happy to see them (and relieved).  -I'm glad you're here. How are you?

-Good, like really good. I moved in with Wade.- Peter said, excited to share the good news with Loki.

-I heard. What I also heard is Tony crying. Literally, crying!-

The three of them laughed.

-I'm almost 19 now. He has to calm down.- Peter frowned.

-Well, he's your dad. It's normal.- Loki patted Peter on the shoulder.

-I must be fangirl here because Peter obviously won't be one. Loki, man, you look fabulous!- Wade said and whistled.

-Oh, my... I'm going to blush.- Loki joked.

-Wade is right. It looks like Earth and humans have a good influence on you.- Peter added after loosely punching Wade.

-Nat did my hair. But hey, I picked the clothes. It looks good, right?- Loki laughed, spread his arms and started slowly turning around. He was wearing dark green, silk shirt, simple black pants and black shoes with dark green soles (he had it made especially for him). Very minimalistic. On his right hand, he had a silver watch that Tony gave him. On his left hand, on his pinky, he wore a small ring with Jadeite. His mother gave it to him when he was younger, so now he can only put it on his smallest finger. Both Peter and Wade whistled jokingly and started sending him hearts and kisses.

-Someone is shining tonight!- Tony joined the conversation. Steve was following him. He shook hands with Wade and hugged Peter keeping his arm around Peters' shoulders.

-Thank you. What am I going to do with all of these compliments? Please don't invite anyone else. I might become shy.- Loki laughed.

They continued to talk and hangout carelessly. Life was finally good.

But Loki caught someone staring at him. Thor! Loki gulped and reminded himself to breathe.

Thor was wearing a tuxedo. He looks more than a God, Loki thought to himself. He took a sip of his drink and excused himself. When he got to the backyard he started breathing again. A few months ago, Tony and Peter decided to decorate the backyard with hundreds of small butterfly lamps. Loki was standing in the middle of it, trying to collect his thoughts. Sun was already gone, leaving only a few pink rays on already dark blue sky.

-Beautiful- Loki heard Thor's voice behind him.

-Yeah, it is.- he said quietly while watching the field.

-That's not what I meant.- Thor added and cleared his throat.

Now, when Thor was closer to him, Loki could see that his tuxedo was custom designed as well as his Italian shoes. Asgardian jewelry, short messy hair, and heterochromia made him look even sexier if that was possible. Ashamed of his own thoughts, Loki turned around, ready to leave.

-Why is it that every time we talk you look like you're in pain?- Thor asked and started following him. -I saw you with Peter and the others a few minutes ago and you seemed just fine.-

-Leave. I don't want to have this conversation.- Loki said, bitterly.

-And why do you become the same old Loki whenever you talk to me? Angry, full of hate and spurn.- God of thunder started yelling.

-I seemed fine because I was fine.- Loki turned around, furious. -I'm happy when I'm with them because...

-And you're not happy when you're with me, brother?- Thor cut him off.

-Don't you ever use that word for me, ever again!- he appeared in front of Thor in a blink of an eye.

-I have to, because if I don't...- he stopped.

-What? People will see me as a Frost Giant. You see, no one cares here about that! They see me as Loki, only Loki. No one's brother!- Loki spoke through his teeth.

-That's not the reason.- Thor replied, somehow wretchedly.

-Oh really?- Loki blurted and started laughing in disbelief. -Now you're going to say how we really are brothers. Spare me.- he raised his hands and shook his head.

-No.- Thor said.

Loki dropped down his hands, confused. Before he could do anything, Thor took a step closer. Loki barely blinked and Thor's lips were crushing his. Loki froze. A few seconds later Thor separated their lips.

-Do you understand now?- he asked and opened his eyes. At that moment he felt as if someone slapped him. Loki was trembling. His face was covered with blue stains and his eyes were full of tears.

-For Odin's sake, why did you do that?- Loki's voice cracked and one tear run down his face and stopped at his chin. -Are you not ashamed of yourself? What would mother say? Why do you have to make EVERYTHING A THOUSAND TIMES HARDER FOR ME??- Loki was screaming at Thor. Or maybe he was screaming at himself? Then he wiped out his lips.

Thor opened his mouth to say something, but there were no words coming out. It looks like I completely broke him now, Thor thought. In a heartbeat, Loki turned around and started walking towards Avengers home. With his magic and a couple of tricks that helped him to teleport to nearby places, he escaped Thor, who was ready to run after him.

Loki entered his room, slammed the door and sat on the ground near the bed. Don't cry, please, he begged himself. But tears didn't listen to him. He put a hand over his mouth, so no one heard him sobbing. That night, just like many others he cried himself to sleep.