Core beliefs *Thor x Loki*

Is it love or is it pain?

Loki slowly walked towards him.

-I'm sorry. My reaction was childish. I understand now, that wasn't your decision.- Loki apologized.

-Don't apologize. You had every right to react like that. I deserved worse for lying to you and being a coward. I should've told you.-

-Everything is over now. But I realized that we don't have to say goodbye while hating each other. We can stay friends.- Loki said and stretched out his hand. Instead of shaking it, Thor grabbed it and started pulling him back to the woods. Loki could hear Nat yelling.

-I am completely aware that you're right. I'm going away and we shouldn't hate each other. And I'm incredibly grateful you don't hate me.- Thor said. -I'm going to build an Asgard. For other people.-

-There are so many reasons why this couldn't work. Do you know what I'm talking about? We tried. But it didn't work. - Loki said.

Thor looked confused.

Younger God then pressed his thumbs on Thor's temples, showing him his memories. 

Thor

''I will slaughter every Frost Giant.''

''Frost Giants are so ugly. I mean look at them. Like big, blue chunks of excrement.''

'' The day I kill the last Frost Giant we will make the biggest feast...''

''Hello, beautiful ladies. Which one of you would like to lay with me.''

''All of you, you're welcome, my bed is waiting for you.''

''Of course, you can bring your friends to my chambers''

''Did you lure her into your chambers, Thor?''

''Of course, I did!''

''Lucky you.'' 

 ''Here comes Odin's favorite son!''

Loki

He's going to kill me.

Thor could never love me.

 I'm Frost Giant.

I'm a monster. He will hate me. I deserve hate.

Thanos

''I was able to kill your feelings. All except one. Love. Tell me, Loki, why do you love him? You've been paying for your love every day. Price was pain. Let me take that away from you.'' - Thanos said. 

-No, let me see it. All of it!- Thor said. He wanted to know what Thanos did.

''You would do anything for that fool. But he will never love you, Loki''

''Frost Giants are very powerful, don't you agree Loki? But your brother doesn't.''

''You see Loki, while I'm sucking the joy out of you, he's enjoying himself. With very beautiful human female. Look. Look at him!''

''You're aware that I'm going to destroy half of the universe.

Loki nodded.

It's for their own good. But your brother, he's not on my list.

-My life in exchange for Thor's.- Loki said.

So I put Thor on my list of survivors? And kill you?- Thanos asked.

-Yes.''

Loki

'' But I don't feel safe with that love anymore. Is it love or is it pain, I can't tell anymore? It hurts all the time.''

Memories ended. 

Thor fell down to his knees.

-I understand it now.- he whispered. –No one would handle this much pain and stay in love. Or sane. You did both.-

-The universe never wanted us together. There is way too much pain.-

-I'll leave you alone. That's the best thing I can do for you. I don't even know how can you look at me? I'm disgusted by myself.-

-Thor no...-

-Yes! I saw myself through your eyes and felt what you felt for a couple of seconds and I just... You lived with that feeling your whole life... I don't understand... How... You still... Love me...?- he broke down to tears.

-Don't say that. There is more. Those are only bad memories. Everything else is...-

-I don't deserve to see good ones. I don't even deserve to beg you.- Thor said and hugged Loki. One last time.

-Don't hug me like this. Don't do this...- Loki had to close his eyes because the light was to bight.

Next moment, Thor disappeared.

Accompanied by silence and emptiness, Loki returned to the Avengers compound. When they asked where is Thor, he simply said:

-Left.-

There was no amount of ice that could help him now. He took his clothes off, lowered the temperatures as much as possible and laid on the bed. Loki hugged his knees and tried to fall asleep. Nat and Bruce came by later with tea and cookies. They welcomed dawn together.