Donna nervously closed the drawer. She had to tell him. He'd been so open with her lately, it just felt wrong to not say it all. The way he watched her with other men. The way his insecurities showed up in unexpected ways. She loved him. She'd always choose him, but how could she reassure him so he understood? The truth was, she knew his reasons for being so insecure, but he didn't know why she couldn't let go of him.
He sat quietly on the couch in his living room. He'd apologized for yelling at the associate that had brought her a coffee last week. He'd apologized for screwing up Louis' deal with the client who had hit on her yesterday. Now he just tossed the scotch glass between two hands. Donna eased onto the sofa next to him, but not before noticing his moist eyes.
"I knew this would happen," he said in a strangled voice.
"Knew what?" She laid a hand on his arm. He stood and distanced himself.
" Stop it, Donna," he seethed, "You know exactly what I mean!"
"Harvey, it doesn't..."
"Yes! Donna, it does! I will always wonder, and I hate that I will!" He choked up. Unshed tears blurring his vision.
"There are things I've never told you, Harvey. There are reasons why, I would never dream of...doing that to you," she sighed. "My dad was unreliable, untrustworthy, and, well, you know who he is..."
Sensing something monumental, Harvey sat back down next to her.
"Trusting him, was always a risk. I could never fully trust anything he said. I was supposed to be an actress once upon a time, but in the end the risk was too great. It's something he taught me. The importance of safety and reliability, and if he wasn't going to look out for me, I'd do it for myself. I trusted no one, until you."
He saw the intense vulnerability in her eyes, a look he'd only ever seen once before...
Because I think you're worthy.
I don't wanna lose you.
"You kept your promises. You did what you said you would. You took care of things. You protected me, and I learned how to trust because of you."
He took both of her hands in his.
"Donna, I wish I..."
"Harvey you aren't the only one with scars. Yours are just easier to see. I chose you everytime, not because of my paycheck, not because of our history, or what you do for me. I choose you," her voice cracked as tears fell, " because you are the safest thing I have. Mark, Mitchell, Thomas, they are all risks. Risks that I'm just not willing to take. You don't have to worry about me choosing someone else because, as far as I'm concerned, you're the only choice."
She'd done it. Her soul lay bare before him. His hands cradled her face and brought their foreheads together. She closed her eyes, breathing him in. Her heart thudded when his hands moved down to her neck.
"Donna," the word sounded strained, as if he were warring within himself.
"Please, Harvey," she realized how pathetic she sounded, " don't...let go..."
She felt the warm tears fall.
His breathing hitched. His grip tightened on her neck. The grip was so like him. Rough, restrained, and tender all at once. His lips crushed hers begging and seeking, and she met the questions with all she had. Then she was on her back and he was on top of her dragging his lips across her neck, with a death grip on her waist.
"I can't," he whispered hoarsely, "I can't be what you need."
Another tear fell, was this it for them? After everything? Everything in her fought it. NO!
She gripped his face between her hands and sat up.
"Harvey, do you love me?"
He nodded, "So much it hurts." He tried to look down but she wouldn't let him.
"Will you be there for me?"
"No matter what," he didn't even blink.
"Will you hold me?"
He pulled her to him and squeezed her. He nodded into her neck.
"Don't let go," she gasped as he began to kiss her neck again, this time softly.
"Never," she heard him whisper lazily.
