There she was sitting on the couch in a dark green silk pajama set. Her hair was up in a messy bun and she was watching some cable television drama about dragons. You know the one. Harvey's gut twisted. She was literally everything. She continued to wait for words from him that explained his declarations of love, but how could he begin to explain it. When had she become more important than his career? When had she sneaked into his bones? She was entirely more than a secretary turned COO. She was...
"...my life..."
Donna looked over at him curiously, "What?"
His heart dropped and his hands became clammy. Had he said it out loud?
"You said something about your life." She sat alert and shut the tv off, " Is there something you want to talk about?"
He felt his hands and feet go numb. Panic. He would NOT panic. It was Donna.
"Harvey, oh my god! Are you...?" She jumped up, " HARVEY!"
His breathing grew ragged, was he sweating? Her hands framed his face and she clutched him hard.
"Breathe," she whispered, "just breathe..."
"You..." he huffed out, "...are...everything..."
She jerked back and looked at him with tears in her eyes. Enough was enough. He had to tell her. It was time.
He let out a long slow breath.
"Sometime between the D.A.'s office, and Pearson Specter you became everything. I can't pinpoint when, but when you went to work for Louis it hit me like a boulder. It was the reason for the panic attacks. I'm not blaming you, I'm blaming my screwed up relationship with my mother. It set off an alarm in me Donna, and I've never really recovered."
As if the dam burst, the words all simply fell out of him in a rush of emotion and confusion.
"Lipshitz says I projected the feelings for you onto Paula, and he's probably right. I tried to reason why it was right to be with her, and it almost worked, but then you kissed me, and the alarm sounded again. This realization that having sex with her never produced a comparison to the way we kissed. I wasn't mad, and I honestly didn't regret it, I just felt like my mother. Was I horrible for wanting you, when I was with Paula?"
Donna just sat in shock, tears forming. She was on the receiving end of almost fourteen years of emotion.
"But then you resigned. You resigned, and this wave of panic hit me like a truck, and all I could see was you walking out of my office that night. The alarm was ringing in my ears. I can't...I couldn't...nothing works without you...I wouldn't have survived it. So I had to let her go. Just like Scottie, and all the others. You're in my veins, Donna. You're air. You're all I need, but you're all I've ever needed. Sitting in front of the ethics board, and realizing that I'd give it all up for you? I would. It just hit me that as much as I love the firm, and Jessica, and Mike, and loyalty. If I had to give it all up for you?" He nodded stoically.
"I wouldn't even hesitate."
Donna was choking back a sob, "Harvey," she whispered.
"Sorry," He looked down, ashamed of his outburst, "You always ask 'how?' Or 'why?' You want words, but I just have feelings."
Donna shakes her head vigorously, and grips his face again. She waits for his eyes to shyly find hers.
"Harvey, hush," she smiles through tears, "I'm so proud of you. Consider me satisfied."
"Satisfied?" He eyed her suggestively.
"We are having a moment. Don't ruin it," she arched a brow.
He chuckled when she pulled his face closer and kissed him properly and with Donna like gusto.
