EUDEMONIA

10. Fuck.

"So, Elias Kabila, wanna, like, go to prom with me?"

I turn around, astounded by the question. We're four months away from prom, yet here she is, shooting her shot yet again. Nina's standing in front of me, twirling a strand of blond hair while she smacks gum with her glossed lips. She's my sister's best friend and the two of them of so similar yet so antithetical: they both wear full faces of makeup, everyday, rain or shine, and they are both single because of how intimidating they are. My sister's height is usually what scares the boys off, and her outrageous confidence; in a way, it is also Nina's height that gets people with her four-foot-nine stature mildly compensated with five inch heels. Her forwardness tends to scare off boys, such as me, and part of me hates that because I support strong women like my sister but I just can't get used to her asking me to every single dance. I've never been interested in her and I stay cordial with her to not anger my sister which has just seemed to convince Nina that I'm in love with her.

I sigh and with the gentlest tone possible, I try to reject her. "Listen, Nina, I'm flattered, but—"

"He can't."

Nina's gaze snaps to the person who spoke behind me and I turn around to see Cam, his face completely blank. Nina instantly bites back, "Why not? Since when are you his babysitter?"

Cam starts moving forward, staring down at her. "He. Can't. Take no for an answer." I roll my eyes and pull Cam back a bit so that he doesn't get punched (I've heard wild stories about Nina, courtesy of my sister).

He looks back at me and his gaze seems to soften a little. "Cam, what the fuck?" I whisper at him, looking into his kaleidoscopic eyes for an answer. This behavior is so unlike him and I don't know what to make of it. The bell rings and Nina huffs before leaving to go to her class; luckily, Cam and I have a free period so we stay there, unmoving, continuing our staring contest.

"What? I'm just getting her away from you. Will she ever get the memo? Unless..." he raises his eyebrows and his gaze turns cold again. "You like the attention, don't you? You love having her chase after you," Cam sneers into my face, making me instantly drop his arm.

How dare he. Of all the people in the world, I would never expect such a low blow from him. He knows that I don't want to hurt her because she's my sister's best friend. He knows that respect is something that I value, and that I treat all the women in my life with it.

By now, there's no one left in the hallways and I get closer to him, angry as hell.

"Fuck you. Fuck. You." Cam laughs bitterly. "You already have, Elias."

My anger amplifies and I push him back, my hands pressing against his shoulders. He stumbles back, surprise marking his face, but I continue talking.

"Who the fuck do you think you are? You..." I'm so frustrated my words can't come out and my whole body is shaking from nerves and anger and I'm so, so mad. "You think you have a say in my life? You think you can judge me? Fuck you."

Cam opens his mouth to speak but I cut him off, "You sit on your fucking high horse and think you're so cool because you fuck tons of girls and leave them brokenhearted and resentful and untrusting of all men because they fucking fall in love with you! And you use them! And you love it. You love that they give all of themselves to you and that you can just crush their hearts in the palm of your hand because it, what? Makes you feel powerful? Fills a void? What void? You've had all the love in the world directed towards you since your fucking birth!"

At this point, I can't stop this word vomit from coming out, years of pent up jealousy and anger fighting against the part of me that is shaking from fear of losing this friendship. There's another part of me in this fight: the part of me that's struggling with my attraction and my feelings for him, and instead of soothing my rage, the confusion is making me want to keep yelling and fighting.

Cam stands in front of me, his fists balled up as his eyes shine stoically and he takes it. Like a kid who's been yelled at too much and who can take any adult's yelling, a teacher, a coach, while the other kids cower, because it mirrors their own home. And I hate him for that. Once again, he is better than me, because I am the villain, the yelling parent, and he is the eight year old child holding in tears. But I can't stop.

"Everyone has always loved you! Everyone! And you've just taken that love and consumed it until there was nothing less of those who gave it to you. You can have any woman you want," I sneer bitterly, "You could have the most beautiful love story in the world, one that would make gods jealous, and you choose to hit it and quit it? Fuck you. Just... Fuck you."

I catch my breath for a second and silence fills the hallway. A tiny part of me wonders if the classes near us heard everything I just said, but the rest of me doesn't give a flying fuck. He stands there and continues to look at me, saying nothing, and my anger swells again. But before I can continue, he says, almost whispers, "I didn't quit you." I scoff and roll my eyes at him.

"This isn't about me! This is about basic, decent respect of others! You can't just abuse the love that people give you!" That's a lie. It is about me, and the parts of myself that I've given him and that I hate myself for, because I'm so fucking scared that he'll leave with every part of me and that I'll be left behind, broken.

I'm so out of breath at this point because this argument is taking everything out of me, physically, mentally, spiritually. I'm looking at him the whole time, like I have been since I started ranting, and this is the moment where I finally see him break. It's that moment where the parent has yelled to much, or he's said something too hurtful, or the kid is just having a bad day, and the dam breaks. On the kid, it's tears, on Cam, it's the fucking castle wall that protects his thoughts and feelings.

"That's where you're wrong. It's about you, it's always been about you, it always will be about you." His eyes are tearing up, like a river itching to swell out of its bed after too many of Nature's agressions. "Since the beginning, it was about you, the girls were about you, they still are, the music, it's about you..." Cam trails off and finally looks away from my eyes. He stares at the ground, his whole being seemingly curling in on itself, and whispers, "My thoughts... my dreams... everything."

My body freezes. I can't believe what I'm hearing. His words mean everything and nothing to me and I'm so overwhelmed I feel myself starting to hyperventilate.

"Cam..." I start tentatively, trying to get him to look at me. "What do you mean? What are you saying?" I step closer to him: if he's saying what I thing he's saying, if he feels like I do, if we feel the same way... it would mean everything. I continue stepping closer and I reach to grab his hand, to pull it, to get him to look at me.

Instead, Cam punches me in the face and hits a dead sprint, all the way to the school's front entrance.

Fuck.

AN: the title and cover changed :) i wasnt vibing with the og title

Lots of swearing in this one but it was just one of those days for Elias.

I hope this scene doesn't feel too forced, it just kind of happened when I was writing.

photo above is Lili (i'm not casting a specific actress, just giving you an idea of what direction I'm thinking of physically for her), took me a while to find the perfect girl but here she is she's soooo beautiful and that's how I imagined my Lili, this giant woman who is fucking stunning and an artist when it comes to make up. quick note: a lot of bxb has the stereotype of the female character who wears a lot of makeup and is 'slutty' so I wanted to play with that for my women because i think that it's empowering for women to wear what they want, however tight and scandalous, and I think a full face of makeup is more power to the woman who wears it. Lili does her makeup every morning at the breakfast table, expertly, and it looks professional af. She is a powerful woman and part of her power comes from a total ownership of the most stereotypical aspect of femininity which is beauty. woop that ended up being lowkey long but just wanted to explain that.

Thank you! Please vote and comment! :)