mémoire

fin (1- sad, 2-happy)

Castiel showed up at the hospital, out of breath and shaking worse than ever before. "Hi, yeah," he said to the woman at the desk, who was staring at him weird. He knew he had shiny trails on his cheeks from the tears that were still coming.

"You here for the driver?" she asked, calmer than he was. He wished he could find some composure right now. When he nodded, she stepped out from behind the desk and lead him to the end of the hall. "He's in there. Quite a looker, but really banged up. I shouldn't be letting you in, but..." She trailed off, smiling at him. "You look like you need a bit of reassurance. He is alive."

Sounded like it was Dean. Cas offered a weak smile and a shaky, "Thank you," to the woman before she patted him on the shoulder and left back to her post.

Cas entered the room hesitantly, unwilling to see this. When he reached the bed, he knew for sure it was Dean. That brown hair that Cas loved to run his fingers through was slightly matted with blood and had a few shards of glass in it. His right arm and face were red and scratched in several places, his right leg and left arm in casts. Dean had a tube in his mouth and his nose, keeping him breathing.

He looked horrible.

To Castiel, however, Dean looked like a drink of water in the desert. He fell into the chair beside Dean's bed, not bothering to wipe his eyes anymore. It was useless, he'd just end up having to do it right after again. As he looked Dean over for the hundredth time, the door opened.

"Get out of here," a familiar voice said. Cas turned to find Sam glaring at him from the door. "Get out of here, Cas. He doesn't want to see you. Do you even know what you did to him?"

"What I-" Cas choked out, looking up at Sam. "What?"

"You broke up with him, right? Well, when you did, he relapsed."

"R-" Cas broke off, eyes wide. Relapsed? Dean...

"Yeah. Tried to kill me, you know. And you caused him to relapse, Cas."

"I did," Cas agreed, wiping at his eyes uselessly. "I did and I'm sorry."

"Get out."

"I can't," Cas whispered. "I physically can't, Sam. I don't think I can move." He was staring at Dean. His legs felt numb. "I can't leave him again."

Sam sighed in resignation and sat down across from Cas, on the other side of the bed.

"What do you mean by he relapsed?" Cas asked softly, still looking at Dean. "What did he relapse into?"

Sam seemed surprised when he spoke. "He didn't tell you?" Castiel shook his head. "He hallucinates. And when he hallucinates, it's bad. He thinks that people are monsters and that he hunts them. He thinks that he's on the run from the law too. He's attacked almost everyone who has known him since before our dad was put away. He used to have medicine for it but when he stopped hallucinating for a certain amount of time, they would lower it. They lowered it until he didn't have to take it anymore. But that was a mistake," Sam sighed.

"He's... terrifying when he's hallucinating. He's nothing like the Dean he normally is. He doesn't care. If there's something in you, there's something in you and he won't stop until it's gone or until he breaks out of the trance. I- I haven't seen any signs of it since you came around. He used to have times where he acted like it would come back... Whenever it threatened, he would lock himself away in his room, so I don't know if it really was happening." Sam paused, looking over Dean with a sad expression. "This leads me to believe that it did. Combine that with the fact that for the past two days he's been locking himself in his room again and it's a million times worse."