Defending Heart

Chapter 10: How Harry Pays Respects

"Holy- are you okay?!" Lily asks worriedly when Severus slams the door to the Gryffindor commonroom. He falls against it, gasping to catch breath and clutching his sides, which hurt from the pain of running all the way here from the library. He can't seem to calm down, sweat running down his forehead and a million sharp pains like needles pricking his skin shooting up to his brain. His body freaking out over this shock and stress of what he just experienced. Lily kneels in front of him, where she crouches and stares into his frantic eyes.

"What happened? Severus, breathe," she speaks calmly. Tenderly she reaches out, placing a hand gently on his knee, hopefully to ground him. The look in her eyes, the radiance she's so innocently oblivious to calms him down so he can think. It's like her innocence transfers to him, some kind of Holy shield of optimism to protect him from the conflict raging in his head. Eventually, Severus' breathing return to normal and he can process this properly. He gulps harshly, suddenly feeling quite embarrassed. This isn't the first panic attack he's had in front of Lily, but every time it happens, he's left ashamed. He should be stronger than this, especially when what happened isn't even that severe. 

"Sorry," he scratches behind his head, fixing where some strands of hair have gotten out of place, sticking to his eyelashes. He sits in an armchair near the small staircase of the commonroom, the one leading to the dorms. Thank God its the holidays, and there're no other Gryffindors here, otherwise he'd be mortified. 

"Don't apologise. Are you okay?" Lily gasps in worry. "Is it your parents again?" 

"No," Severus assures. "I - shit, I just had a weird conversation with Ha- Professor Potter?" he questions, not understanding it himself. 

"Weird how?" Lily asks, sitting down opposite him. She flicks on the kettle from across the room, levitating teabags into cups and preparing them both Earl Grey tea with her wand, waiting for Severus to collect himself. 

Severus won't tell her Harry's secret, no way. Not only because he's now terrified of the man, but he feels a certain trust bond has formed between them. Imagine, for example, their bond used to be that of hydrogen between two bases and now it's a covalent bond between nucleotides. It's the only way he can rationalise it at this point, with a screwed up perception of not only Harry but James, and a lot to think about. "Shit got real between us in the library. And like, maybe he isn't as much of an attention whore as I thought? I don't know, he doesn't act entitled about his fame anyway," 

"Oh, you're warming up to him!" Lily smiles happily. "I did always like him - he's such a great teacher!" is he? Severus has never paid much attention to his teaching style. 

"I suppose I am warming up to him. Maybe we understand each other better because he's a Half-Blood, as well," Half-Bloods are rarer in the Wizarding world than one might think, especially in the US where they gained full rights as Wizards not two decades ago. In the Americanised Britain, there's still some prejudice against them, mostly from the Death Eater groups left over from Voldermort's reign of terror. 

"But weren't both his parents Wizards?" Lily is sure she'd read about it in the textbooks. The Boy Who Lived, his young parents having met at Hogwarts. It was an oddly heartwarming story but that just make the outcome seem even more tragic. They had been such nice people too, apparently. Gryffindors, who'd sat in these very chairs. 

"His mother was a Mud-Blood," Severus corrects, trying to keep a level tone. As a Slytherin, there's a learned behaviour of pretending he hates Muggleborns to avoid being bullied by his own Housemates, and that is sometimes conveyed in his tone. 

"I don't like that word," Lily reminds, recreating a live barrier between them that's existed since Severus first became a Slytherin, and first started pretending to hate Muggleborns. It reminds Severus why he and Lily can never be more than best friends . That, and they both know she isn't exactly his type.